horus8
on Something on my Shoe by kthay
28 Aug 2003, 2:16 PM
Yes, I've been beat for similiar.
Don-Quixote
replying on The Mellifluous Sound of God: Musical Eden by Don-Quixote
28 Aug 2003, 2:08 PM
;/ whats wrong with phantasmogoric? just wanted you to elaborate, if you dont mind.
It is prosey.. i have a problem writing in prosey fashion recently.. hrmm.. ill fix that soon enough. thanks.
yeah.. white is a good color.. snow.. cum.. blizzard blindness.. heh.. hey, hate to repeat questions, but what did crystal do that pissed you off? man i feel like a nosy bitch..
your creativity.. is really startling.. 4 comments mentioning 8th grade.. very little difference in any of it.. your a poet? im not convinced.
look.. "Hand".. would you mind jerking me off a lil? im a bit hard, and i dont think a retard like you would mind.. so, want to do a chap a favor? eh?
No color often is the brightest.
;/ ill make a note to edit that... (*scratches head* i didnt hear that anywhere.. fuck.. #$)(#*$)(#*$.. dont whine.. just fix it lee.. arg.)
whether i deserve the low marks, -shrug- i couldnt give a shit. settle, dark angel, and the holy choir can sing about my "shitty" writing for the rest of eternity and choke for all i care.
thanks for your comment and crit, always been usefull and constructive.
Nothing, I just like fucking with 'HER'. iam only gay for money and on tues. and sundays.
i like. made me chuckle.. put a smile on my face.
So, just wondering, what did crystal lane swift do to inspire you to write this? did he beg to suck your cock so much that you became irritated to a point of killing him poetically? looks like it.
blessed with 8.
not sure you deserve the low marks but this kind of thing really gets up peoples noses.
has the same nice form of your other poems but....
'bright colours can never be tuned out of the mind'
where have i heard that.... halmark/johnk/a daniel bedingfield song?
Preschool commentry. if your going to diss me, do it in a fashion that shows intelligence, or maybe some good humor would do it.. but either of these i dont feel your able to pull off, so dont bother trying.
sucker
not particularly poetic reads well as prose though lots of surprise images.
Loses it a bit with phantasmagoric though
Don-Quixote
replying on The Mellifluous Sound of God: Musical Eden by Don-Quixote
28 Aug 2003, 1:46 PM
... i write what comes via my calloused fingers.. ok.. end of rant.
i enjoyed writing it, im happy with it, damn everyone else to hell, and thanks for again saying im lazy.. end of whine.
thanks for continuing to push.. end of expressing gratitude
flows nice, the pointy is clear. Pays service to a little imagery.
And your sister unable to vomit. Funny rats can't vomit either although the do feel sick if you inject them with saline.
anyway quite good
like the first two lines, admittedly the first is nicked.
Set up well but flounders, why are his eyes full of puss?
good that you use only the occasional rhyme (hens and friends) better than leading this story with rhyme.
Kind of fun I think, a childrens poem
A well related story
TanHand
replying on I'm not afraid to admit that I am attracted to Robe Lowe by RO-B-LOWE ME PLEASE
28 Aug 2003, 1:00 PM
That's basically what's been suggested to me anyway.
lots and lots and lots of words used to say something that could be said directly--it's over-aggrandizing. it's bad form.
in term of poetry, concise is always good. (maybe lyrics are the exception). MAKE EVERY FUCKING WORD COUNT AND STOP BEING SO GODDAM LAZY.
end of rant.
Don-Quixote
replying on The Mellifluous Sound of God: Musical Eden by Don-Quixote
28 Aug 2003, 12:19 PM
its not concise.. and it wasnt meant to describe hearing something.. tsk. keep the 10, im not flattered. Give me another zero. :P
fucking 8th grade poopy! a downward spiral