SupremeDreamer
on selflessness by NNirvana13666
21 Aug 2003, 2:06 PM
i started reading it, i puked.. cmon, be fucking original, give me something worth reading, give me something that will make me grin when i start reading it... CPR required man, really.
*chew* -spit- ok man, was your girlie fondling you when you wrote this? lets title this "the ode of elmo"
We forget how to smile innocently
innocence loses its luster around puberty, werent you aware of that fact?? bleh.
heres a 5.
I think i wrote something like this once.. i was 13 back then.. i still slam a hammer into my head everytime i look at it again..
pseudo-political.. and there is not much "anarchy" in politics.. its all laid out, its only confusing for you obviously..
heres a 3..
moosh.. im melting.. cmon now, can you put a new spin on this love shit? give it some sparkle? make it dance? something like that? i feel cheated charlie.. i want my money back.
Nothing strong enough to last
ibogaine can last upto 3 days.. is that strong enough?
blessed with 6.
blessed with 6.
you talk like you know what your babbling about.. you dont..
"my heart bleeds" ok, this has been used who knows how many times... and adding black blood doesnt help. stop talking out your ass.
it has nothing to do with the fact that he didnt write about flowers and happy thoughts.. not many here do.. because thats been fucking done 20000 millions times..
Nah, its because this poem is cliche, crappy, not well formed or constructed, and FAILS utterly to provide anything of value to the reader.
and man, look at what this person posted... THERES NOT AN INKLING OF HOPE. joejoe has more chances at enhancing his talent, since even his shit is alot better than this.. pfft.
I would end at controlling, and work on shaping your structures.
That's tempting my devil fork.
I'd say. Ha ha ha, are you saying YOU ARE INTO MURDER?
Discos out murders in
Discos out murders inDiscos out murders in
Discos out murders in
All the better reason to fuck.
Hmmm.
I think I would change some of the lines to:
Style: work You do
not the poem
Do I get a spanking? Is that where the fire is?
I have to say that I enjoyed reading your writing but I wasnât moved in any sort of way. There are so many poets out there that you must have some kind of uniqueness to your writing. Nice analogy though.
be my guest. I sent you an email.
okay, this is much better now.
but can you give me a hint as to why you would prefer a march to a waltz?? perhaps, in the title? is it a parting of way?
I am a few years younger than you my friend
You are old, but hey, I'd fuck you.
Sometimes, I think back on when I lost it all, again, for the 100th time, and I laugh hysterically until I pop out from behind it all, and say "surprise" with a mindset for murder.
Sorry, I've been on a big murder kick lately. The doctor in my mind says it's because I realized for the first time on an extremely subconscious level that I am in control of nothing. Because, outwardly I'm so good at being a leader and controling everything in beatifully harmonious simplicity...I've been having a hard time swallowing the truth about the universe, but now I can read minds and see the future, so... that all balanced out, I guess. Anyway, I'm currently building the perfect killer, and he's a very handsome & handy young man. My sweet baby Frankenstein. You do of course realize that because I know you, I will be even harder on your poetry, because I want your poetry to look like you inside and out. Perfect.
Much better.
Maybe they read this poem and were stupifed.