Lifeboatman
on Love by Ditchamal
6 Aug 2003, 8:24 PM
And you had marred its name... if this is all that we are here to see, I'd rather stick an elephant in my sphincter... Ouch!!!... 0
Angels have smootch crotches... like maniquins... although a good "lite" read... 7
And you think that a tribute to a beloved???!!! Buffoon!!! 0
Unfortunately, I got the same transparent alien/praying mantis impression of this angel.
Damn you, every time I think I have worked out who you and your various personas are, there is another I'd never noticed. You ever been evaluated for dissociative identity disorder? But anyway, these two stranded on a boat poems work well together.
What a bummer, it was so good till you tossed the end.
Sorry, no deal. Angels are ugly asexual insect aliens. And when darkness senses the gap? Is when I go to gap and Wynona ryder a horse faced potato bug.
He's I, and yes, but's it's just a rough.
Did you mean to play on the word "perish" by misspelling it as parish? If so, I approve. But you should fix the spelling of ignorance to make parish look more purposeful.
I grimace in pain at the taste of tequila too. I think this gets good at "i don't wish to see again", but the preceding lines need some rethinking, though they have their good parts. Also, need apostrophes "skull's gray flesh" and "cannibals' barbecue"
Is "Jeremi B. Handrinos" your father or son? Are you purposely being confusing about whether the father or son survived? At the beginning, the father said to the son "I'm sorry you'll go", but at the end, father says "My deadweight a ton" "left you with none in a boat you can't row". Your quotation marks were a little inconsistent, even though I could tell you were setting off the mantra "There can only be one" I think some other things the father said should've been in quoatation marks.
I hope this is a joke.
I like the sort of word association feel, and the way you've demonstrated how circular thinking can be, but this is loaded with overused expressions/images.
Well written and funny. I wasn't sure about this
"In this lifeboat with you?" second line's question mark. Was that because you weren't always "with" the person? Maybe it should say "In this lifeboat with (?) you" because it is definitely not a question.
s'okay mulberry, y'know... his condition and all
too cute? umm.. no, actually horus that was only an inkling of the bulk of his books. Theres literally thousands of authors in that collection i still keep stacked in a ton of boxes. most of it i havent even begun to explore.. the man could read huge books in three days, even one if he was really drawn into the story.. i sometimes thought he was a machine.
btw, whats wrong with grapy ocean? ;/ i liked that line too... -sigh- well, do you have a suggestion of what would replace that perhaps?
Could use some commas, some phrases ran together and became difficult to read. Misspelled "sickness".
Shardik, I do believe that zero was undeserved, if you reread, you will see that Abe C.'s narrator actually intervened on behalf of the alien angel.
What couldn't you see, the angel or the angel's face? "It" doesn't really work there, even if you are trying to keep the angel's gender a secret.
I thought that was a pretty cool way to say that you did her, the "dark" violating her, and you protecting her.
"Your" (sic) one to talk about spelling, but yes, I agree, spelling night in the reduced calorie "lite" sort of spelling is gross.