horus8
replying on Nigger Hole by horus8
6 Aug 2003, 4:39 PM
Tomorrows my B-day. Will you be writing me an ode?
Due to my condition. I must request you stop with this nonsense about cherubian intervention immediately.
"of ice colliding with glass
in that grapy ocean" I would consider rewording this with an emphasis on losing grapy and ocean.
"Your face would be in a book
as you slowly ate.
Michael Crichton, Dick Francis,
Clive Cussler, and Tom Clancy-
Just a few of your favorite authors
in your large library." Hee he, you are a riot! yes, the library... Sounds stocked from rafters to sagging bottom shelf with such power hitters as Sidney Sheldon and Dean Koontz with a dash of Ken Folliet. You are too cute.
Great title.
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=42592
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=37764
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=30172
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=30168
Thanks for the tip, but I'm aware of more than just one style of writing haikus, vilanelles, sestinas, lyrics, odes and limericks, concrete, dada, and many others, but I appreciate the information none the less, thank you.
it probly made it into the front cover of the school newspaper.. bleh.. i didnt even make it to the middle of the poem when i quit reading and announced judgement.
Contemplation.. ah, more like my memory being replayed on paper, its an exact description of how my father would spend his nights eating dinner.
He introduced me to Clive and I am also an avid reader of his writing, he also directed me to the great works of Jean M Auel, Jonathan Kellerman, and many other wonderful authors.
I remember when i was eight, my school had this reading contest and he inspired me to read white fang.. since then i was addicted to reading, he was quite proud of it.. hrmm.. memories.. i miss that old man..
Thanks for the vote and comment, glad you enjoyed it.
two questions, first in line four is it the use of "cleave" that is confusing? and I agree with your comment about "they both giggle" but as I sit her and look at the poem I realize that I'm trying to get to the action of throwing the phone at the mattress. The anger for that action comes from the remark or sound from the two. Do you have any thoughts on how else I could get to that action? because of course I need to bring in the phone so the call can be made.
texan urban schizophrenic gun lust.. yeah... well written, but i think it needs, i dunno, some type of comical spicing.. it was long, and when i got to the middle i started feeling sensations of boredome.. no offense, i cant write this well (atleast not yet anyway) but im just voicing my opinion.
Thoughtful imagery, yeah I like this. A nice contemplation. -7- PS I love Clive Cussler myself.
Hmm, cliched, but not as bad as 'Angel' by Misteriac. -6-
Hmm, cliched, but not as bad as 'Angel' by Misteriac. -6-
Bit vague, and lack of capital letters marks it down, some nice imagery though. -6-
Oh dear God, I never thought it possible to be physically sick reading a poem untill now. You can't even spell night properly!! Let me guess, your about 13 and the teacher said this was worth a gold star?
highlander.. heh. 8.
Eh.. cliche to the max.. and very very mushy..
pig, just because it's got the votes doesn't make it good. witness the "president" of my country.
lots of people vote, pig. votes can be bought. vote can be slung in spite. quite a few people here use their multiple id's to vote people down the list. i've done it. it all depends on who you piss off, and who likes their ass licked.
i'm not trashing your writing or anyne else's, here. blooding is one of the best i've seen. but 15 of the top 20 don't deserve their slots, imho. and that includes 5 of my six. like likes like.
worry about improving your writing, not about where you are in the list. when p&k was active, nobody could touch him. he pulled all his babbit poems--maybe that was before you were on board. those were beyond good.
It set off my turettes...Thankyou.
your right... i just might seriously consider trying that suggestion.. ill see what i come up with.
Here is a forward from a book, Grass Sandals about
Basho
"Traditionally, poems in the form called haiku are
characterized by seventeen sylable broken into three
lines with five, seven, and five syllable
respectively. Each haiku includes language that
appeals to two of the five senses - sight, hearing,
smell, touch, and taste, or the additional sense of
movement."
Funny how words straight from your heart come out in rhyme.
I think the abbreviations fit in well with the idea of a pimple