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on Tuning Fork by rusty
4 Aug 2003, 6:25 PM
faceted.
this is the best of your 4.. break it down again, and hone it. it's a little sharp, still, for a sockles child, even in reverie.
yes i did use it intentionally. i used to suffer from them. i once accused my mother of being a witch coming to dig my grave, open eyed, at the age of three.
I think you should put a space between "on" and "to"
and change "too" to "to" in the last line.
What was the first "picture"? A wheelchair? The second a person in a car?
It could be the language of love, yes. I was thinking more on the lines of the language of writing. Each new piece of work has its own language speaks in its own way and can often speak in ample amounts.
Did you intentionally use the name of the phenomenon of "night terrors"- which is like a sleepwalking nightmare? I was looking for a relationship to the phenomenon in your poem.
According to Dr. Spock, 3-6 year olds have them- they seem to be due to some temporary disturbance in the nervous system during deep sleep, they tend to run in families, all children who have the grow out of them within a few years, at most. When a child has a night terror, he/she wakes up screaming and even though his/her eyes are wide open s/he doesn't respond when you talk to him and it seems that he isn't even awaare of your presence. The night terror stops spontaneously after lasting as long as 30-40 minutes, the child falls asleep, and he never remembers anything about the episode in the morning.
yes. you mean "phone" correct? if not, what do you mean? cum to your senses, man!
very funny. i think you could push the envelop of absurdity a little more. in fact, i'm sure you could. and will.
http://mulberryfairy
on Rainbows and fountains (pillow fights) by http://findingwater
4 Aug 2003, 6:13 PM
Can you really see the blue, violet, AND purple of the spectrum?
hooven? cloven? woven? film at 11?
Interesting dream, coming from a vegetarian. Were they more appetizing with legs?
If you google you will find it... If not it gets no freer than the public library
once more, with feeling. always cut away all those extra filler words (it was, just, only, etc...)
my suggs:
Time won't heal these open wounds,
Inflicted relentlessly;
Emotions linger, disturbed tombs
broken, emptied.
After you destroyed me
I craved control;
I gave my body but never my soul.
And now, consumed
By loneliness and guilt,
This love cannot be exhumed
Buried in scarlet silk.
Would that said language be the language of love?
yes. OH, YES!
you have obviously garnered, not squandered, the mythical strength of the hirsute, madame.
great do-over.
I'm not much about Haiku's but you do give good vision about painballs. I'll give a 9.
joe just run it in word's spell check. turn the feature on where it auto-corrects spelling. that helps. the grammar check makes suggestions for you. this being poetry, you won't take them, of course, but it will point them out to you, nonetheless.
or pyromanic OCDs.
posession, ownership of the poem. can you clarify that a little please?
it's the same, but less sad, at 2 p.m.
Loving the vocab sounded like some of my own work. Didn't see any repeating words where something else could have said the same thing. (I hate poems that use the same word to describe something over and over) It was very good... but I had a few spots I had to read over because it didn't quite flow.
"fallen into shadow" end of line seven should be "fallen into shadows"
Here is a 9 keep up the good work and keep the pen on the paper flowing out languages unknown :)
I can feel it. Been that and had those feelings. Hurts to see the one you want more than anything walk away and out of your life. Hurts even more when you know they want the same things you want just can't have them. Reasons for not being able to have them due to the time of meeting in life. Such as both heading to different states for college. My heart feels for the pain and love which you speek of. Keep on writing and good luck. (Was giving 7 but here's 8 because I felt the pain spoke about.)