INTRANSIT
on Satyrs and fluting the teachers by Jeremi B. Handrinos
4 Aug 2003, 1:58 PM
I, unfortunately, am not the powers that be. Otherwise I'd hand you your poetryc diploma and kick your fucking ass off poemranker!!!!
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo... Okay, hold this.
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hey.. thanks everyone for the corrections and such, including suggestions and grammar notations.. very helpful.
Hi there! I'm an Apteryx. A wingless bird with hairy feathers! How may I be of assistance?
WIMPS AND QUARK NUGGETS
i dont' have 8 names....
i thougth she liked my rewrite :(
i'm going to cry
btw, she's a fucking ugly cunt
YES!
FREE ADVERTISING!
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(*)\_ + hatred divided by love makes jack a dull boy.
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(*)\_ + hatred divided by love makes jack a dull boy.
I could, but not without some thermo nuclear goggles and a qp.
yes but can't you see we're all just energy? and the universe is a kindergarten? if only you would understand that, you might find that the ghost verse isn't the complete load of bollocks that it actually is.
The ghost stanza, is nice but just doesn't seem to fit. Look at the rest of the poem. You are talking about torture, bravery, slavery, morality, and etc., etc. The Idea of a spirit, the soul of a being that is supposed to have passed on, just doesn't work right here. Don't get me wrong you've thought it out well. Depth, you have here like nobody's business. The main reason, I feel that ghost doesn't belong? You need a better verb than are. Your other Stanzas, have a verb that is both appropriate, and futher builds the desire to read on(Well other than the one about the poet, for some odd reason look just doesn't go right there). I do not feel that the ghost stanza is a masterpiece, not compared to how I see the rest of the poem. Try copying this into word, or notepad, or whatever you write in, and try, just deleting the Poet and Ghost Stanzas. If you don't like it fine by me, but I like it much better that way.
The rest are his fabulous accent.
Yeah, you know, I just noticed that? A lot of them came from when I cut a pasted the piece, and the rest were from the wedding reception this weekend. If you can dig my buzz.
nothing a tanning bed and pedicure can't ratify.
I am of the opinion that she's not a horribly evil cunt. I'm just saying most writers learn at a young age that you have to emotionally seperate yourself from your writing in order to survive. She's obviously very attached to hers' as are most amateurs, but in all honesty I think she's probably just in need of a friend outside of her burnt out spheres. Bipolars burn bridges quicker than retreating Russians.
also, i always thought it was "peeling out"because you left some rubber on the driveway. i like the aural association of 'pealing out', but i don't think it works, if that's what you meant, because squaling rubber, she is not mellifluous, eh?
Look at this
"You can view the poem and its comments here:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i