some deleted user
on I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy
1 Aug 2003, 4:32 AM
Oh, no. At least you made it out alive. "Irritable cat" threw me off. Your imagery is incredible; I invisioned every scene perfectly until I saw an irritable feline face pop in out of nowhere. Just didn't like the fact that the cat acts as a catalyst for the "dismount," which is a good awkward word for the ending. 7
You and Buchas would sure make a great couple..two low-class, frustrated souls who are not capable of intelligent expression. Why don't you guys get together and you can do eachother till the cows come home!
Yo Bachus,
You're all class chump...low class. Why so vulgarly attack a figure you know is worshiped by so many? Who are you looking to hurt and why do you want to hurt them? Your comments are pointless, immature and mean-spiritied. Yo chump, you're not evil....people who are evil are cunning and show some smarts...something you're obviously short on. I'll tell ya what cracks me up about people like you; you won't hesitate to disrespect and denegrate the beliefs of others but I'm quite sure there are a set of beliefs that you cling to that you're quite protective of. Yo chump... have a great day and be careful not to slip on you own bullshit!!
You got me with the reference to Ginsberg alone. I'd better send my contribution now so the lord will guarantee me a place in heaven. Excellent satire. 10
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Can you believe this piece of shit was #1? by horus8
1 Aug 2003, 3:12 AM
are you talking to me? what the hell are you talking about?
<smile> I've read most of your poems and enjoyed them all-some more than others. Too bad I can't hear you read aloud - I'm sure that would considerably improve the impact you hope to achieve with them. I suppose that's the nature of slampoetry.
Everyone else has taken issue with this poem, but actually, I think it's the best thing you've written. I didn't read it as a domestic duty thing at all - I quite took it quite literally as your woman witnessing a murder and the shock of it waking you not to the reality of the murder but your own gross iniquity (what have you been up to) - a kind of community of fear and self-loathing. And it's the kind of sudden twist that I, sad sensation freak that I am, really love. Am I absolutely bleeding miles wide of the mark? Am I revealing my own vile and dripping rottenness? Yipe. I am banjaxed by doubt. I may never recover.
Holy monkey pants. Did you know Anne Boleyn had six fingers on her left hand? I think that's worse than hairy legs. I love the decline into reality at the end of this poem. The calluses of stanza 1 are explained very nicely.
lol u serious
i wasn't that sure about this one
it didn't exactly come out as i wanted to
and stuff didn't fit on the little submit box
so this is a very much scaled down version
but i think i'm going to take it off and re do it
That depends on one's ability to enunciate.
Please don't take this the wrong way when I say that the comments on this poem are as entertaining as the poem itself. Not only did you spark off deabte, you instituted a whole war. No wonder your poem's so paranoid. For me, the satire is a bit too broad, and bit too much of a blunderbuss. I prefer something a little sharper and subtler (but fuck it's hard to do, I've tried myself and never done it). This pokes fun at something that deserves tit, though. I like it when I look in (very occasionally now) and find something startling from an old hand.
202.78.97.13
Why do you toy with me darky?
I thought we were in love.
Childish and honest, brave. 8
Yep.
Yes, I didn't.
How someone could give a groaning dismount a zero is so fucking beyond me, here.
Exactly, I fused rubbers with Rhubarb to feed of the pie trick. Can you forgive me?
I'm going to ask you whether or not my critique is worth your time. Too fucking bad. Here it is... Your poem is interesting and closes well, but your structure is really unreadable and off kilter, grammarilly and metricly speaking. Here's a 7. Enjoy your stay.
Well, well... Looky where I am? Yes sir, on another one of your wordy fat assed cowems. If I hadn't of farted half way through reading this dedication to self loathing I probably would've cracked my head open nodding off into my my fucking moniter. Justly so, that deserves a seven in my book.
A classic. Very intelligent, and uncompromisable. Really, friend, a beautiful, beautiful, tiny piece of magic.