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on The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus
30 Jul 2003, 7:04 PM
The rhythm seems very lyrical, whether intended or not, but then the quality is broken abruptly with these longer lines. Maybe I've been reading too much rhyming poetry. But the words and images are a great start, just seem to need a little rearranging.
Solidarity amongst pimples of all colors! Except for those big swollen red ones, those are untouchables.
Sure it does. Did you follow me to this poem where no one had visited for over a week just to throw your brilliant comments at me? We've got to stop meeting like this! And I suppose you don't think it would benefit him to see how the movie played out (not to mention Ed Norton at his hottest moment)? Have you ever met any of these young people who have been targeted to join these hate cults? They are worse (and more devout) than AA members! Anyway, he directs his anger at Jewish people and has not mentioned people of color, so maybe he could be put to more constructive use in getting Palestine liberated from the Zionists.
What is this piece of shit about? I think you found one of those tainted cans of rotten imported fish from the 1970s. If that is not the case, email me, I'll send you some for dinner. Honest man
eh... wtf. ok.. not sure what this is even sposed to be buts its stupid nontheless.
Nah just kidding.......I actually got a kick out of what ya wrote. Thank god for people like you. The world would stop spinning.
Lithium works well to solve your problems
LMAO on that one! Critics SHOULD at least know how to spell, and fuck me, with a COMPUTER its not all that difficult. Asshole
If you are referring to the "keep on keepin' on" phrase, No. I don't hang with any particular "crowd". Yes I'm aware that this sucks. It's my first formal attempt at sex poetry and went horribly limp. to say the least. I should just stay away from this topic poetically . Thanks for your time.
And those stupid fucking ~ ~ curly things sure doesn't fucking help your case, nor does your inventive way of spelling tom or when you wrote it (date time etc) unless you're dead or moonlighting from politics.
Well there goes my last nerve. This poem is so incredibly contrived and forced it's practically comical. Some how you've succeeded in sucking the juice of my interest in one of our planets most mysteriously fascinating creatures (spiders) from my life permanently. Everyline in your poem is defining the absolute of something absolutely undefinable. Nobody needs you to tell them the fucking obvious. Every person alive has this story in one way shape or form, but my friend there is only 1 Charlotte's web and this is not it.all that you've mentioned azbove is a given we all have made that same symbolical connection. Why not dig deeper and make us earn the poetry. WHY! damnit, it pisses me off when poets turn fucking turn mutual of Omoha in monotone and black and white. And please don't be sensitive about my critic here friend. There is know need to be the best poetry is Poker not blind stud. Because, that's what you're doing here purposely showing us your cards, and my friend that only works if you are rich, and you're not, and I mean rich in the sense of 'a damn brilliant writer' Someone, that can explain the simplist and most mundane situations in the most beautiful way definable. Hemmingway, Joyce, Wolfe. The bottom line is you don't have the language to play stud poker with a spider poem buddy. That shit is sacred, and should be treated so, and I know you feel like you've done your bit and your justified on the subject, but you left out the essential magic connection between us and arachnids, and focused on the known taken for granteds. So I can only give you a 6.
I don't know Darkie, but those quotation marks of yours look pretty derisive from here. Oh, it's just like old times only with serial numbers, tootles I got to go cash my paltry pay-check.
Sappy is as Sappy does
No. He just wrote some things down in a confusing way because that's what poetry "is".
Ohhhhhhhhhh! Actual murder, I thought you were being poetic and metaphorical or something. You know, an allegory.
What's to get? It's fucking murder.
Sorry, I just don't get it, it's to clever for me and I have these stupid love-blinders on and they won't come off. Last three lines 1st stanza and game show eyes-8
Ha! Ha! Not as interesting as you coincidentally popping up.
A proud and predictable man hardly worth your need to be interested, at best, and perpetually. If your poetic skill was a bio rhythm, you'd be flatlining in ICU accordingly. Wearing an uninteresting assortment of tubes, surrounded by the people you've despised the most in life, bickering amungst themselves over "who loved you the most", and "who'll chuck your ashed callateral off of the biggest bridge out of Shitsville". So by all means, speak your mind. If anyone's earned the right to be uninterestingly uninterested Sirah, you have. Oh, off handedly, when you do get interested an anything other than the dung you wallow in out of necessity... Send me a postcard pal. Ha ha ha ha.
Good god man put down the Playboy and step away from the thesaurus. What kind of poet are you? These images sound more like the work of a high school boy forlorn and lost in puppy love rather than a poem of sexual power. And what the hell kind of image of sex are you trying to portray with the corny oil derrick image. Mechanical, monotonous, boring. Yeah, that will get the women rocking and rolling. Dial down the center my man and maybe find the real poem in here. Until then keep on keepin' on. Moreover, I wanted to ask you: I read a book where clan members and right wing conspiracy theorists used that fancy phrase you taught me. Is that the crowd you hang out with?
No.
Jesus, I go away for a few months, come back and have to endure this shit right off the bat.