Craychus
on Beauty within by geewhiz1962
29 Jul 2003, 6:14 PM
sounds like teen poetry. i hate teen poetry.
DJ Jeremi spins irony. Huddie Ledbetter rolls in his grave.
You can write anything. I say we send our resumes to Madison Ave.
Touche, mon ami, mon frere. '... find that tether between men and my wild stance' ' I roar for your warm blood' ' covering your death face...' very good, excellent. Last Stanza I love, especially as an ending. Good structure. What's " 'ntil " I've never seen that before?
well, the maggots had eaten through the plaid, you see.
That's just heart warming. Did she think death was the plaid conclusion to a brilliant golf game?
nathalie, who found him, did not go to the wake. because she could not bear to tell the mother what she had really seen.
"Call it a mother's bargain--" or intuition?
Last line is yummilicious!
tres bien!
I remember being 3rd best once. There for a day and then I was gone. Happiest and saddest moment of my life so far. Says something about my 'life'!
Nice work, pooftah!
that poemwanker award isn't justified, honestly!
Here, here.
Very, Very, Well Done. This Poem Took some Talent. -10-
So you are not the real PBOD, PBOD is just a kind of puppet you use. A gay puppet, you are not gay the puppet is. Right I think I get it now.
some nice lines, a bit schizophrenic skipping from one line to the next without reference to any central theme.
the simple rhyming is not really needed the structure is good as it is
Yes, its about reacting to things. Some times we lose control and black out, only to find ourselves doing something we would never imagine. After the absolute fury, our inner beast is done, and the chemicals are gone, there can be nothing but remorse.
smart, well sewn
very skillful to manage a vilanelle with the lines 'Nathalie, riding, found the boy, dead' and 'The coyote, startled, had run on ahead.'
I like the first three lines, kind of nonsense poem come dialect poem.
the fourth line upsets the rhythm though.
Nice to see a heavy metal fan not use politicised and loaded terms and build something out of simple language