richa
on Too obvious by INTRANSIT
29 Jul 2003, 11:32 PM
get ride of plight it looks forced
other than that a fun poem
WOW! THIS POEM TOUCHED ME IN THE MOSTEST DEEPEST PLACES!
HERE"S A 10!!!!!!
Acme.. The plague of teenage youth, that apparently never entirely goes away... 10.
but, why this awkwardness? fear, of trusting? here, this is what i mean:
"Then we sang of songs
Which we would rather have not"
i watched her, too. a few days ago. she was deft, and certain, and jerky in her haste. i could have broken her. but, as above, so below, yes?
be well, thom. i go by <~> now.
xo,
sue.
COOL!
what the hell are you doing up this late? popping zits?
I like it but I think the metaphor at the end is just too blantent. Try being a little more subtle. 6
THIS IS GREAT!SMOOTH & GENTLE<NICE & SWEET!
Hakuna matada. Ten.
Hakuna matada. Ten.
no, no. the dead guy's shoes were off his feet.
like being slapped by a velour glove.
Juicy!!! What's for dessert?? 9...
velour seclusion
coy body cornered
denim saddle
she fits to me easy
...9
http://mulberryfairy
on DJ Bling Bling spins authenticity by Jeremi B. Handrinos
29 Jul 2003, 7:35 PM
Nice job. Put an apostrophe in musics (music's). Aren't contractions allowed in Haiku?
I like how you showed the various emotions of a mother at a scene like this, her first reactions, to check on her own son and then worry about his shoes, both serious and trivial, were perfect.
Too bad it was a vegetarian cooking class. Did you still get credit for the class? I became a vegetarian after going to a southern family reunion during which a whole pig was cooked and this, therefore brings back very nauseating vivid memories- "its grease slipping slowly like sweat" is such a perfect description, 9.
I wonder too if there is hope for someone w/ so much hate. Sounds like a lonely life that you've captured here. Have you seen American History X? Sad story about how people take advantage of angry white young men and misdirect the anger that's built up in their lives due to having hard, crappy lives.