horus8
on Mastermind by wOrnella Mutiw
24 Jul 2003, 1:37 PM
Hi, my name is horus8, you must be, Stupid. It has been a pleasure, but in the end I believe we all know who the true mastermind was, and in the words of Alexander the Great " All that way for this <wipes his sword of blood>...Oh, well, I suppose We're rich now, let's eat."
This title will bring them in, to be sadly dissapointed, like I inevitably will be either way.
We hid it up your ass, how about bending over and given it back before we unload the gatlin gun on yo punk aise.
YES!!! thank you. ironically, i've been researching katmandu, but i had bangladesh in my head, from that lost-in-america poem.
It's great, I'm just of the opinion Bangladesh is a shit hole. Both realistically and metaphorically. Perhaps Katmandu?
That doesn't matter, only that I can pay my little brother a buck to read this like Captain Kirk is what's truly important.
blood and satisfaction is the niche; there is no consummation, here--the metaphor is a distraction, yes--but i think that Bangladesh gives too much away, although i agree that i spelled it out, and weakened it. shit. i didn't save v2. did you?
If you're not the one in the position then it doesn't matter if you agree does it?
I'm not trying to be an asshole, just saying that if a person has cut himself off from other people and is thinking about killing himself, who's thoughts is he going to use to make the decision?
pop will eat itself. and so will i.
be consumed by my own desires.
I like 'apathy beats suicide/doesn't make it brave'
not sure I agree with ' no point in dying/if you won't be missed' though
harlot.
http://mulberryfairy
replying on Voluptuous, Blonde Bird-Woman by http://mulberryfairy
24 Jul 2003, 9:36 AM
Thanks. It takes a social worker to notice these vivid details and report them later in a fictionalized, ambiguous account (for billing purposes).
http://mulberryfairy
replying on Voluptuous, Blonde Bird-Woman by http://mulberryfairy
24 Jul 2003, 9:33 AM
I did not....have....sexual relations....with....that woman....the Bird-Woman.
So, I've been thinking on this, carrying it around with me and waiting for it to bite. Even with your usual alchemy, z, I think it's too abstruse--you're asking the reader to work to hard to connect title to text. The secret code's too impenetrable; you've hidden the keys.
Some quick thoughts, and some of these are just stylistic differences, I'm sure. The usual YMMVs and Dowhatthouwiltsometeitbe's apply:
What's unwhetted? The mountains? Nice pun, but carries no context.
While the metaphors of sculpting and alchemy have parallels (creating something of beauty and value from a base material), having both weakens both, I think. Is the sculpting metaphor a distraction? Maybe that's it.
What's with the blood and alchemy stanza? I don't know how it fits in (I mean structually/grammatically rather than metaphorically--I think the metaphor works here, particularly in light of the title and its alchemical context). Is the "blood and satisfaction" the niche?
If it's unsmelted, where's the chemistry?
I liked Bangladesh--it conveyed what you've rephrased, somehow, but more subtly. Like the ending a lot--you appropriately come full circle with it.
This version gained weight but missed--what?--balance? A core? I'm not sure. There's great stuff embedded (that word may have been permanently ruined for me--ack), but it needs clarity and focus.
Tales from the front?
They say that people who serve together in wartime form a bond closer than most people ever feel. You would do anything for your brother (sister).
Interesting twist that it wasn't a war that created the bond. Maybe rape is as tough as war.
I'm not sure this has an identity of a poem or a lyric. As a poem its exhausting and as a lyric the singer would need to be rescued by full stops. Its not awful but not good neither just a mass of phrases the amount to little. 5
bullracks are aluminum-sided farm animal hauler type thingys.
A trailer used for transporting farm animals. The (drivers?) were singing one line at a time. I dislike my job. It has its moments though. Thanks for the input. home soon. will try to fix.
nice. 9.