OneFingerAnswer
on Creating A Bitch by Kitch
28 Jun 2003, 2:30 PM
Nothing you want me to hear I can say.
I don't get that line. Maybe something like:
What you want to hear isn't what I have to say
The last half of the 3rd stanza seems a little muddled too.
can you say
retarded?
what is Settle?
YEAH AHAHAHAHAHA this is the best poem you have ever written it kinda reminds me of nude envelopment site but still its great the last two lines make it! i dont really get the virgin girl bit tho....am i being dense?
Cute! i think DA has an obsesson with you - congrats! Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians.
the 'first I met' and 'subsequent' every verse makes this look a bit like a list rather than something more cohesive.
gnome and dome seems a little contrived
yoda and pepsi cola is funny and modern and nice touch to end every verse with a none rhyme having rhymed through the verse. It kind of asks a question of what is coming next.
first verse you mention 'you dried them' I know you mean tears but having to think about it ruins the rhythm.
the rest of the first verse is quite sweet
I wouldn't bother with the jelly and belly rhyme in the third
You write so prolifically when do you get chance to eat? have sex? If I lived in CA i would be knocking golf balls of the tops of skyscrapers whilst listening to Verdi, or chilling out eating diaper dogs pretending i'm david hasslehoff.
ahh you guys have a great life or have i done too much soap?
Loved the anger in this, your so fucking in ya face kinda expressive maniac. 9
Liked a few lines big time,
but I can't take this in right now i'm so tired my eyes look like piss holes in the snow. 7
Thanks, i feel more confident already.. -looks in the mirror- "is that a grey hair???"
okay, and then?
It took me a decade, have fun.
Hey, the stoner manifesto, the bathroom poet. lol.
Or a lighter in the crowd.
Try a shower and a brisk walk.
What's a polar shift than, The love of one pole for another. THE GAYE! hate must be what makes my microwave beep than, huh.
Ok. Now to figure out some new style.. this will be complicated, I've been swimming without style for ages now.. bleh, ill figure it out eventually or ill be dead soon from frustrated insanity.
"Speaking words that I thought
Was meant to strike fear" were not was.
Control one l.
Yeah, Joy luck is Settle, the boy genius. He's way beyond Mensa. He's a Risdi brat, Ivy league tit, and skilled in twilightzone poetry. He's The only other sic lunatic on the site besides me and da, and equally as good. There's also Christof, Poet and knowit, and a few others that are poets beyond the norm, so don't go spouting in a fountain lest you be wet and caught off guard. This poetry of yours is in desperate need of style, you need to develop your own poetic gimmick, something different about your poetry. The wording the shape the texture, but stop writing about that silly demon, heaven and hell crap, and pain and blood and all that trite shit. It's pointless because no one will bother with it, because, if they wanted fantasy they would read a real fantasy author that does it right, not a kid swinging at the fences.
Beautiful, has one l. Also, be careful that your poetry doesn't chase it's own tale.
Subject: cliche, I've seen thousands like it. 7