thepinkbunnyofdoom
replying on Shut Up (Angry Progression) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
17 Jun 2003, 9:53 PM
If your looking for story read Either "my nieghborhood"(Though 1 is much better) or "sublime street morals"(One of the best I've done) and to a much lesser extent alot of my other poems.
My motivation? Simple, to laugh, try it some time, go ahead read this out loud and try not to laugh.
I predict you picked your user name in a moment of post traumatic stress and a vengeful ferver, and you will regret it sooner then later. I mean for the love of Christ? Are you just fucking high?
Ok, well the first 4 lines show some promise, but then your lack of gravity makes people sink? What fucking universe are you from? Yuo lose it after that. It's all blah blah blee blee blue. Love is a blemish that blows you of course? And what's up with this WE business? It's you brother, you're going stagnantly on about. Lines 15 & 16 are the epitome of stupidity.
By the way, this was a cackle of spackle let me tell you.
Hurrah hurrah!!! No forced feeling, no pointless meandering, just the funny ugly poignant facts. God bless you.
Yes 'tis a mad cackle, I agree tee hee.
Rebecca
pressed a steel barrel to my temple
cocked the gun with her fist.
Raped my shine.
Even the mighty sun, someday will
Be murdered
By the dark.
There's your poem kiddo. The rest is trash. Think, boy. I would have given this a three, maybe, but you dropped to new levels at the pitiful end.
keep the first line. burn the rest.
Funny, yesterday I was in Dutton's in Brentwood, and I too was so overwhelmed. Four giant rooms reeking of paper and binding. You know the kind, stacks on the floor, wooden ladders for reaching up up up into the nethersphere. Classical music. Anyway, I swooned when I walked in. I had to sit on a pile of encyclopedias with my head between my legs. My friend Scott fanned me with the newest copy of The New Yorker. Poets! We give so much power to the words. Jesus it's like an axe coming down. The last line is genius, all those esoteric implications. Bravo.
These are troubling issues, indeed. But I'm sure your poeme will solve them. Good Christ I hope so...
Because the magical Elves of Yor are still building tomorrow.
This is pointless. Where's the story? You don't know shit about poetry do you?
Yes, I agree. The line breaks are randomly skeptical. Good call!
Stop preaching.
very prosy and far too generic. Be specific and for god's sake give yourself some kind of form to work with. This is screaming for constraints and direction. did you read this after you posted? After the tenth line the grammar is awful.
I feel... that's the same as a painter writing the word green across a canvas. The poet's job is to make the reader feel. Not to say I feel, I feel. Describe the violence. "People" which people. Either tell me or forget about it. This pussy-footing around is useless.
ace line breaks.
You should be more concerned about today.
that shit is tooo funny. no, no. That shit is TOOOO funny!!! LOL 40-love.
I'm dribbling from laughing so hard.