Jeremi B. Handrinos
on Change by Derge
15 Apr 2003, 3:03 AM
It would work if you could fucking spell.
I say I think i agree!! thanks.
Thanks for the advice. Any and all help in making this better is more than welcome.
Good stuff, -9-
Nice visuals, try and find some more words for screaming though. The only other line i dont like is the "spontaneous combustion" one. It just doesnt fit. Other than that its pretty good, redo it and redo it, to get rid of some excess words that bog down the story, have a -7-
You may sound a little like the young Lou Reed, but don't you know that the dash in 'stain-ed' indicates that it's pronounced with two syllables, and is thus homophonous with the sentence, 'Stay, Ned.'?
*hacks up a furball* huh?? hmmm??? wha? is it over yet? You lost my attention, about halfway through the first, Stanza/paragraph. It maybe the subject but It feels really repetive, like I've heard it before, redundent, cliche, and so on and so forth and what have ya. It might also be helpful if I could tell if you were being sarcastic with the live=evil rip off, or if you just thought it'd be cute and clever. I see that some effort was put forth(one way or another) and cause I have a real hard time with giving a zero to anything that has some effort, just for you a -2-.
It's a sonnet about the Elizabeth Smart abduction incident.
HOW THE FUCKORY DID THIS GET A TOP 10 PLACE, OK IS ALL 5
What, exactly, did you see??? What does your poem talk about???
In a sudden flash of lightning I realized there is a heaven.
How? Why? Explain yourself. Not in the comments, but in the poem.
Glimpse the wonder of letting your imagination come up with some scenarios.
Wow it makes a lot more sense now!
you like tomatos in your salad? then, quick - GRAB YOUR ANKLES!
Once again confusing and I can feel my brain going into the redline so before it explodes -9-
God your a sick Beast lover! Whats the matter? You hate Gang Box? I think you need to get your ears tested. True I'll admit that J.B.H. isn't gonna be bumpin' out my stereo but Its not so bad as Animal rape(which I'm sure you order enough dvds of to tell the difference).
P.S. If your going to do a 1-900- number make sure it has at least 7 letters or digits after it. As for the busy writing poetry bit? All I got to say How did you get those little wings?
Because the people paying me said so.
My first reaction :WTF:
My second reaction :what the bloody fuck:
My third reaction :what a fuck:
My fourth reaction :awe fuck If I'm this confused give it a -10- and try and sort it out later: