Bachus
on Ambition by slana5
16 Apr 2003, 11:04 AM
you could be a topless bottomless jew dancer. that can't write.
nice as always
some cliches but pretty kewl imagery
i don't like it
Yup.....hilarious stuff....tho u could have made it more amusing by putting in that crap bout the PROMISED LAND......hahahaha...but what i find even more funny is how stone throwing kid whose lands are occupied by people outta nowhere are labelled as fanatics....hahaha..guess Hitler's attributes rubbed off on some..really something to be proud of and i agree bout the just part too...lol
Mediocre is what the masses idolize, apparently the bar is higher here. I value your opinion, only beacuse you are the only only person to give one, so i will try harder to produce paradime shifting mind bending thought provoking writings of poetic mastery.
Thanks, do you have any suggestions? Im rather new at this.
In serious need of some cpr, but there is a glimmer of hope.
"A shell for the earth, all seasons reverse.
A life inside out in a jet-black hearse." Your opening, though, is fucking fantastic.
Mediocre and barely caustic.
This would have tremendous reverb with the proper editing.
I don't know, 'if' there?
Terrific structure, just needs fleshing out. Give me your personal story.
"The flower...to be."
What causes the flower to die? Exactly, tell me. Is the seed never planted? Does it die of thirst? Take me to your childhood, I want to see it, walk it's streets with you. I want to see what you saw as a child. Can you give me that?
I think your an interesting person. I bet you can tell an interesting story.
What crash?
What failure?
what suggestion?
Details, dress the story with the personality of the writer. The writer's personality, or sometimes the stories personality, is the only orginal thing a writer has to give. Details give excitement, interest.
god'swife
on Barometric pressure & true love (The prince of storms) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Apr 2003, 2:01 PM
World Class. Strong from beginning to end. All that hard work has paid off. Mr. Vilanelle, good job with the close-up. Cut. Print.
This poem is fucking beautiful. Thanks for the soul-kiss. I'm feeling better for it.
That scans really really badly. And it sucks. I dig your name though.
I do.
Again, no. Too small.On that topic you know, you can order products off the internet to fix that problem. Where do you get the 'masochist', anyway? As has been shown many a time, I enjoy causing the pain. Now if you refuse to clean my boots, you're going back in your fucking cage. Whiny little bitch.
Judging by your poetry sah! pederasts in glasshouses should not throw black pots.
good, i would done the same.