I assume you're American? That would explain the spelling 'lackluster'. Over here it's 'lacklustre', but that doesn't matter. Good work, 7 or 8, can't decide...

I'm confused. Is this a religious preacher poem, a third world preacher poem or a can't-be-arsed poem? Not bad, anyway.

Hoped it would be about bikin line, however babybel cheeses have never been written about as far as i know.

This was chaucerian,witty, shitty, full of deeper meaning. Laughed out loud. "Please sir can I have some more"

Doubt you'll even see this comment, hope so as I've grafted on this work of yours. I think a poem of chess is a good subject and this could benefit as GW suggested from maybe a metaphor like 'Royal blood drips from its master, drier than the falling sand, Pawns in numbers advance, Kings remain seated, armies depleted, Death begins the devils dance, Black and white combat, so true to life, inconclusive, slain to the rhythm of superior thought. Well that took 5 mins and its a bit messed up but hope i may have helped.

I drowned in this deep river, you came from a clever angle on love here, sophisticated, and no holds barred.*8*

We've had A Hitchcock invasion of crows in the last few days, liked the last 7-8 lines -7-

this is still beyond anything vaguely gaseous. shine on you crazy diamond

wow. you sure managed to get an assload of comments on this. :) I don't see the balance/lack of competition. I see the straining to destroy. I think I need more to lead me to this zen.

I like this poem a lot, it's well-written and true, although the ending seems a little disconnected. 8.

this is nothing like stans rice work, so don't listen to that guy who can right a poem in 126 seconds while listening to culturally significant jazz and oops goddamnit plugging up the toilet for the bluecollar people on the first snow of winter in 126 seconds. hooray for the muted trumpet and a drunk snacking too much at three in the morning. this poem is a bit passe and bland, but it hangs well and gets the point across simple enough.d