cleverdevice
on journey to being the top rapper by kliq
3 Dec 2002, 1:34 AM
Very good, in fact its bad (in true gansta style).
When I was your age I wrote in a similar style to you. I put the emphasis on rhyme rather than substance or style, your writing will mature and you wont recognize how your styles changed till 1 day you'll look over what you've written and say unto yourself 'Did I write this'?, the best advice is dont chuck anything away you may use two choice lines in a better poem, Rebecca Calvetti gave you a constructive piece of criticism, and you can still keep your individuality yet take advice on board - some good lines/bad lines here, just keep trying -5-
anyone that can sit and find an opinion on that many differentiating labels deserves atleast an 8. whether i agree with what was contrasted or not.
Dear God. Please, please, PLEASE tell me the spelling mistakes were on purpose. PLEASE.
Those who abhor slavery, are themselves slaves to their own ignorance.
Lev 15:6
I think you mean "fear is a desert," not a crepe suzette. I don't mock--I once wrote "draught holds the memory of water." (Which it surely does, but that wasn't the point.)
I don't like the poem all that much, it reminds me of what I used to write when I just started writing, not specific enough or anything.
but you rhyme scheme is so perfect, I'd say you have promise
pouring it on,are we? Fine job too!
do it again!
Sorry for confuseing you!
The first 3 lines represent black magic an evil act
The last 3 what its doing
It just sort of states how the world isn???t as black and white as society makes it out to be
And how little we all actually know about what???s really going on
The reason behind and action should justify it
Not the action it???s self
The title should be changed
science is a tool...i would argue faith is a tool, and science is a study of natural formulas used to define what's around us and effecting us on a levels at all times.y
definition 84 in the thespians hand book..
sounds like an ethiopian homonid dig...lucy's footprints.8.??
Now I'm sad. Good job. Is it 'breadth' or 'breath'? Strong ending.
I don't know what you're talking about, but it's pretty. what's 'scatching'? Thank you for the crows. Orange glow of radiations seems to weak for this piece. Could you say something like:
Radiations growing glow
Like an army of tangerines
Something like that. Not that. Something like it.
This is beyond Thunderdome.
This is beyond stealing. Shelley wrote that 200 years ago. And you didn't even mangle it properly.