razorgrin
on Damn chickens by ciantu
26 Nov 2002, 11:29 AM
chickens is yummy critters.
my house is full of spiders as it is. they will have to do.
yep, that's a small town alright. cool.
thank you. i take a bow, guarding my ass from the midgets in leather.
nay friend he meant to say "an", dark angel taught him that trick, and he enjoys the twisting of it.
really. it's my sketch of warren beaty.
yes, have you read "floating dragon"? by the same.
This was wonderful
I'm still playing around with this one, it's basically about running into an ex-lover, that you've had an extensive history with, and the feelings that it dredges up, and trying to get past them. Burning sage in some Native American cultures is part of a "purifying" ceremony, not sure it works here though.
Vulcan--I really like this, it's very neo-Romantic, and you've really captured a "Keatsian" flow and tone (as well as the direct nod with the reference to tuberculosis). There are some problems with the narrative structure--the second and third lines seem to stutter, for one thing--but your images are very strong, I think, and the phrasing, in places, is lovely. I particular like the "vaulted grave" conveying freshly mounded dirt and the comparison with the more expansive "Vaulted Sky."
I know what the problem is can I tell you?
Pull up a chair, put your feet up, bite the end off a cuban and listen up !
I want to read your work BUT as i am reading it my flows interupted by crap spelling and i have to start again - NOT FAIR MAN ! I know some people on here get fucked off with being told they havent spelled this or that right but as poets in our own ego masichistical ways we are striving perfectionists so as i said change it and throw you my vote [[[thanks///
Vulcan !
This could be really good and I see you've re edited it. But....its still flawed check line 8, change the opening of line 10,
take your time I f****g love beginning and end but the aforementioned's gotta get sorted.
not sure about the end, i can tell this is personal, made me think of feelings locked in a chrysalis, but the ending needed the butterfly and you left me cocooned in your confusion. As a thinker i get lost in whats there, whats not there and could be there.
Heres a 7 for screwing my head up, and giving me an idea for the shitty bus ride ahead of me !
This deserves more than a rush read so I'm taking this puppy and taking it for a walk inside my head.
I'm interested in this give me some leads???????
little_angel_maria
replying on Maria's ways on how to deal with puberty! by little_angel_maria
26 Nov 2002, 8:44 AM
i only did this to fuck about it's not a poem and tascobar shut up oh and some farts could be loud u know lol
Your a nutter, nice title !
*******************6***************
o yer -9-