UnityMitford
replying on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki
14 Nov 2002, 8:03 AM
don't be rude, or i'll spill my frothy beer in your lap!
Not bad my philosophical stain
i can't quite place this style. it's somewhere between jim morrison (yuk) and the surrealists (slightly less horrible). so impersonal, though, that's it's hard to connect with. reminds me of snorting ritalin and talking in circles and writing it down. those were the days.
Christof
replying on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki
14 Nov 2002, 7:47 AM
'exquisite corpse' is a very good way of putting it.
the poem has some fine moments. i never said it didn't.
this is all fascinating.
i hate to say it (after all the other comments), but i like this poem. it's a little "exquisite corpse" and cold around the edges, but in its scatterbrained way, it's effective.
you know, now that i have read the most profound, untrite, corn-free poem on the site, i think i'll hang it up as a writer. do you run a kampf somewhere so i can be just like you? because i realize that everything i've been through has been adolescent bullshit, and i should have just kept it in my journal. all of it is nothing compared to the way you melt down things so succintly. and i thought, really, i guess it was silly of me, that somebody else might resonate with some of my experience. you have shown me how meaningless my written words are. would you please help me learn to write so it's not all crap?
thanks ever so much,
your newest disciple
p.s.--thanks for the zeros. get all your friends to give me some too, because it's what i deserve.
p.p.s.--the hairshirt and the cat-o-nine tails are on order, and my peneance will be arduous for having deceived people so with my diary-page-ravings.
well, you use images that are so overused--angels and heaven, for example--and you bring nothing new to the reader. if you are left wanting more, tell us why? give us ssomething new. show us how your lover pleases you. reading this poem is like hearing someone say 'isn't it nice out today' when it's 80 and sunny there's a slight breeze. you state the obvious, and you do it obviously. try describing these experience with words that have texture, or smell, or taste...that's what left you hungry, right?
sorry i was rude.
If the foxes don't kill for food, like this example, what do they do it for. It is the fun of it.
Caducus
on Prose poem written in 1 minute and 27 seconds while listening to Slim Cessna croon by poetandknowit
14 Nov 2002, 6:57 AM
Women say the average man takes only 2 minutes for sex, you only take 87 seconds to write this,, Why dont you give all us guys something to read when shagging !
Your new jobs sorted ! 9/10
<~>
on Prose poem written in 1 minute and 27 seconds while listening to Slim Cessna croon by poetandknowit
14 Nov 2002, 6:41 AM
hey wow--kiki's going to love this one. it's not trite and corny like all of mine, which take much longer to write than the average amount of time i spend on the king's seat. we can't all be bunnies now can we?
Nice, although I don't agree with the idea of foxes 'killing for sport' themselves, lets face it, that's just us really.It's sad some people get kicks out of watching animals get ripped to pieces.
Freddy, how dare you insult my gender. I will mush you in a war of the mushes.
You'd better believe it baby, and for the record ur as male as Rosie Bailey him/herself, unless your a crossdresser that is...
the more to follows... fucks it up...up until that. genius. 9.
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki
14 Nov 2002, 12:11 AM
Too homespun.
going to carolina in my mind. forever. 8.
I (in the most non possessive sense) can dig it, but the ...s are killing me. Can't you number these things or something? Do you have something against that? I need clarity.
poetandknowit
replying on Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew by poetandknowit
13 Nov 2002, 10:22 PM
I'm not? Bummer. I am glad you pointed that one out to me.