ecargo
on Worldly Wise by anitawit
9 Nov 2002, 5:33 PM
An interesting exercise in imagined dialect--"doth" in line 4 seems off; maybe "do" would better serve?
there there, h. any time you want someone to really trammel you, you let mistress z know. my rates are quite reasonable, and i have a cellar full of merlot.
yes...you should go!He/she obviously isn't sure of what they want enough for you to trust them with your emotions. Perhaps if you show independance he/she will be more attracted to you-What am i doing? This aint no problem page!!!! Errrrr...Nice poem, good flow.
really? i'm glad you got a laugh. you deserve many more, and i'll be the first to admit that you are the keeper of the last tid bits of what remains of my ego? could you give me little more back today i'm feeling talentless and a little down right now. to begin with i have no clue as to why you give a shit, nor why i'm even responding, eviltwin, and on top of that sir evil you're about as dark and intimidatingly accurate as a lame dwarf with a dead eye...you should perhaps..get a pen pal, and open up a line of communication with someone who actually gives a fuck.dickhead.
this is the angriest poem i've ever read. got a solution, or just a problem?
pretty scenes and memories
you lose the rhythm in the last stanza
Assuming this is ending on a positive note, I like it.
Well, there goes my theory about bums having the most freedom! HA! What was I thinking? 8 for your eye-poking the rich and "synthetic infection"
Damn! Damn good! Hua!
Funny and so so true!The first stanza is the strongest. You should print this poem out and hang it on your office wall then see the faces crack!
I must say, I enjoyed reading the comments as much as the poem.
I especially liked the last line and the second stanza of the poem. The last line of the first stanza does seem irrelevant, though.
Generic teenage poeme
You are more human than they will ever be. They have never come face to face with their own mortality as you have and they probably never will do until that moment when, just before they climax with their cheap little whore they look into her cold eyes and feel that she is holding her elbow tight over his fat neck so that she can take his fat wallet and leave him to lie dead in his own spunk.
Ask yourself this: Did I call my poeme '(no title)' because it is too profound to have a title, or did I call it '(no title)' because the only accurate title would be 'generic teenage poeme'?
This wonderfully encaptures the harsh truth in life, those that face the fact that we are all independant and alone are far stronger than those that have a herd mentality, finding strength in others. I like the way the poem moves from before this realisation to this realisation.
This got me! Brilliant up to the last stanza where the rhythm and flow need a little work as it doesn't fit in so well with the rest of the poem. other than that, a heart felt piece with carefully selected choice of words. Nice one!