ams
on Mi Virgin De Guadalupe by slipping
19 Oct 2002, 3:31 PM
Straight from the heart
Enjoyable
Fascinating. She's such a powerful symbol. I love her mystery and her maternal, unconditional mercy. The 1st stanza is perfect but the 2nd falls apart slightly. Slightly. Soem typos and bad grammer but over all can be worked into art. Thanks for being here.
How much time do you spend editing yourself?
much better. I realy do need an editor:). thank you again.
I really connect with the way you write. It needs some refining, but you have a natural and distinctive flow. It's 'cerEmony' . I'm impressed by many of your images. The penultimate line is a true beauty. Pause after "posture' . 'hold' to 'holding' a want a line break between 'smoke' & 'coated'.
Sage
Scents floors with no room to grow. stiffen
my posture, holding my bow at attention.
dizzy from the smoke
coated prayers with no knees, just needs.
I or nothing. nothing. no thing just
manicured widows, white dress and green
eyes trade fingers for palms on sunday. ceremony
not service. popularity from thrift with diamond watches
gold plated hearts well versed in spin but not
sincerity? twist the contradiction to a noose.
hang
the messenger
da, you really shouldnt let Ms Bog beat you out of the # last position... think of your reputation, you better get to work writting some more crap so people can vote you back down to where you belong!
hidden depth eh? hmm, this poem seems about as deep as my toilet bowl, but do explain. please. im probably very stupid, i would love to be enlightened by the Bogster.
I will try. I dont tend to write poems with positive
themes well. I like to expose a situation I dislike and
in that make the point about it's validity. I know it's a
round the bout way but that's just the way I write.
this poem is about my private school years " Baptist temple
christian academy" and all the hypocrisy I saw. but
I will give it a shot.
"I hold it tight/Not wanting to let go". Oh, how beautifully that speaks of mine own experiences. If only I hadn't eaten those accursed prunes!
too long, didn't read
This isn't about generosity. Write another poeme saying how important it is to be generous.
Also, would you really do anything? Would you, for example, sell your soul? Because that can be arranged...
Do you see what you've done there? You've CLEVERLY ESCAPED HAVING TO THINK OF A MEANINGFUL REPLY BY APPEALING TO PITY. Looks like it worked! I'm so overcome with emotion that I can hardly remember what we were talking about! See ya!!
Well I am very happy that you still have your father. I would do anything to have my father back even if it was for a day. But I can't and I will never see him again.
I like the way it souds like a breif time you two weree together, but how enjoyable the time was.
God help us all! Vermillion lives!
Ok!! Sure thing The_Shadows_Smile! You really figured me out this time!! The only possible reason I could for not liking your poetry is that I am too wrapped up in my own mediocre poetry!! Because you clearly have real talent! And anyone who doesn't like it must have a psychological problem, which you, as a qualified psychology expert, have generously identified for me!! Thanks!! I'll remember in future that if I don't like something, it must be because I am self-obsessed, and not because it's a monumental travesty of goth BS!!! Bye!!!1