Tarquin De La Bog
on The First Poem by jrtails
9 Oct 2002, 2:59 PM
Simple but effective. 8. I like it.
The idea of your poem is interesting, if not incredibly politically incorrect, but your execution is very poor. 1. Written with a clumsy hand, and the final line simply stinks.
Start by living in the space between past and future. Sorry to disappoint but there are countless people out there who could make you happy. It's just a matter of wanting to sustain the illusion. You're poem is bogged down with repetitive language and a lack of creativity.
If you are referring to me as 'girl' you couldn't be more wrong. I am a woman to the full extent of what the word implies, and dare I say more man then you at this moment in time. I couldn't possibly hate a juvenile machista like you. Your revelatory remark about not expressing yourself to girls, marks you as the ego-maniacal, oppressive, controlling husband/father your culture breeds. I am latina and well versed in the pitfalls of parternalistic societies. Joanna would do better to fuck everyone of those assholes, just to learn what really gives her pleasure, Which I'm sure you are throughly incapable of doing. Ever licked a clit? She should go to university and make her own life. Thus avoiding enslavement and boredom by marriage to your kind.
I have no peticulary meaning about it, I't's okey I guess.
Okey enough... I didn't get a rythm or not a rythm, it was a little bit humpy.... but the text easn't bad at all.
what a controlling fuck. washing machines turn themselves off.
sure it will.
just don't beat her when you think she flirts with someone 5 years down the road, mm-k?
It is the return of Newbie and bigbigdog (aka ASTRO GLIDE), Turbo Tom and the many other names you thought up in your little room.
get the fuck out, or die.
perhaps the truth does not lie at all. check the eye of the beholder
jubilant and detached and arrogant enough to possess a certain innocence. odd.
you must think i'm slow on the uptake. i happen to be coulophobic 'clown boy' and on top of it allow me to site a fact..a friend of mine and i agree that the title alone is the phenomena, and the poem itself could talk about sherbert and jaundice, and be that better off for it, but in america thyere is a secret undercurrent that chimes loud when mentioning the cousins baby sitter..that's the joke..as far as irony goes think of my puppet the next time you do the shower pud pole. perhaps we'll bound.
That is the spirit a young pugilist should have. If it is not against your religion, you should look into the like of Thom Jones and, of course, Hemingway. Both had aspirations with the fists and both spin a pretty good yarn.
Okay, this poem has turned into a war zone, I was just trying to express how I feel, but you all are entitled to a point. I'm still going to post more poetry, so I quote Nas in saying "You can hate me now, but I won't stop now." Sorry for expressing my feelings to a girl.
actually while doing community service in some park...i noticed the asians got there early and starting meditating and working out...my contrast was the americans (marine bound white trash) showed up obese at 11 with mickey d's...but i guess there are some heffed out slopes out there somewhere.
It is Dolyum! Are you goth, tint?
You apparently think that you're doing me a compliment by comparing my intellect to yours, which is an incredibly arrogant way of doing things. You are so insufferable that I am beginning to believe that you must be a joke played on us by one of the regulars here. You show up and insult everyone's poetry; when your own is criticised, you try to explain it by saying that it is beyond the masses' intellects and talk about what it is; your best answer to someone saying that this poem is shite is to answer, 'No it's not, it's good'; and you believe that young people can't appreciate Leonard Cohen. Ballocks. You inform us that you spit in the face of convention, but I'm afraid I must tell you that this is rather cliched; a great number of rather bad goth poets have used the same sort of images to express the same sort of ideas. It is puerile to defend yourself by saying that we are not intelligent ennough to understand: that is the argument of the artist who has no other defence. Useful, is it not?
Then you are a 19-year-old undergrad, like my new friend Balackball and Tint, here. Now I see. And fingering convention? You are not doing that here. You are imitating someone else who fingered convention, just like a young lad would.