Re: There's no point by LosT SykoPath	eliznhaz 65.246.232.101	3-May-05/2:29 PM
wow this is an excellent poem
Re: Savor Your Tasteful, Tasteless Morsel by nothingtoanyone	Alizarin_Crimson 68.227.185.82	3-May-05/6:18 AM
How is it that you can say something as eloquent as "pain be waiting at the end of my arm bearers knock" and start off with something as clunky and lame as "basically playing at the strings of me heart's true feelings." Do you see the difference? Take a deep breath and strive to be consistent.
Re: The Instructor by Alizarin_Crimson	sliver 172.193.173.203	2-May-05/9:31 PM
BTW, Did he convert her?
Re: The Instructor by Alizarin_Crimson	sliver 172.193.173.203	2-May-05/9:30 PM
Well, hello. Nice to meet you. I just finished losing myself into a very blue canvas,really. I have only two words for you. Damn... Wow.
Re: a comment on Untitled by http://mulberryfairy	Dovina 204.250.12.246	2-May-05/4:14 PM
Now that you mention it, yes. I see a way of coping and transferance, and it comes accross strong. Perhaps trying to say more is too much for one poem.
Re: Home by Dovina	zodiac 213.186.166.145	2-May-05/12:49 AM
All the synonyms for "saw" bother me. Why not just drop them all?
Re: Savor Your Tasteful, Tasteless Morsel by nothingtoanyone	zodiac 213.186.166.145	2-May-05/12:43 AM
I don't understand why this poem has the word "douche" in it.
Re: a comment on In the aspens by sliver	sliver 172.194.74.194	1-May-05/9:25 PM
Actually, if you've ever watched the aspens turn, they are multi-colored. The poetry itself mocks mother nature, but it's all a matter of interpretation.
Re: Walking Out by NoSage	Dovina 204.250.12.246	1-May-05/4:56 PM
The title seems contrary. If you plan to help him/her through something and be a friend, you will not walk out.
Re: Requiem by ChaseValentine	Dovina 204.250.12.246	1-May-05/4:52 PM
Overwritten, for effect no doubt, but the last lines are good.
Re: In the aspens by sliver	Dovina 204.250.12.246	1-May-05/4:47 PM
I am not getting how the printing of poetry mocks mother nature here in the aspens. And how do we shout weaknesses that are previously unparalleled (unshouted or unfelt)? Incomplete sentence: "As honey and dew drips quietly from silent tongues." Aspen leaves are yellow in the fall, so how do leaves of every color litter the ground? But like Mulberry says, the next lines are good. Sorry, I'm picky today.
Re: A Simple Band of Metal by TLRufener	Dovina 204.250.12.246	1-May-05/4:36 PM
"A vow without words" seems a more sentimental title. I'd like to see the "ever" taken out of "clear and ever true" and "laways" from "I will always love you" because the present night is good - why complicated it. And please make "your" yours in "And your and mine have become ours." The ambiguity of "less than precious stone" makes it all the more appealing.
Re: Racism by Dovina	Dan garcia-Black 66.159.217.191	1-May-05/11:22 AM
Good use of racism, Dovina.
Re: Wherever the Wind Will Blow by nothingtoanyone	zodiac 212.118.19.183	1-May-05/6:43 AM
Some edits: - Wherever is one word. - Don't put a period at the end of the first line. - How is the rain like tears from children's faces? Yes, I know. But say how in the poem. - Don't say blood in the next line. For one, it sounds like your saying children's tears are blood. For another, you're really saying the rain's blood. Rain doesn't have blood. If anything, rain is blood. - Don't capitalize wind. - Don't put a period at the end of that sentence. - Say Nature's, not Natures. And don't capitalize breath. - Don't say reliquish in another language. There's no point or basis in the poem for it. And anyways, then you have to worry about putting the pronoun them before reliquere (where it should be if you're talking French), or after where it doesn't sound right. Better yet, just say relinquish. - Forgetting in the next line doesn't seem to have a subject. Then leave should probably be leaving. - I appreciate poetic phrase-making, but running of with the distance doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You don't have to change it, just so you know. - Don't say capere. There's no reason. - In that sentence, you've got the leaves running off in the distance, but what's standing tired and naked? The trees, obviously. But you haven't said that. It sounds like you mean the leaves are standing. Say the trees. - Make the last two lines a real sentence. It also doesn't make sense as it is. There's no subject for waiting, unless you mean battle, but that doesn't make sense. It also sounds like you're saying waiting for the return of the never-ending cycle, which is kind of silly, because the cycle's never-ending, right, so where did it go? That's all. Sorry to sound nitpicky, but you have to admit making these changes won't do anything to your poem but make it make more sense. It's not like they'll ruin it or anything.
Re: Requiem by ChaseValentine	http://mulberryfairy 216.195.164.97	30-Apr-05/3:22 PM
Beautiful and full of resolve.
Re: Sins of convenience by sunset sky	http://mulberryfairy 216.195.164.97	30-Apr-05/3:18 PM
I liked it all, including last stanza.
Re: Walking Out by NoSage	http://mulberryfairy 216.195.164.97	30-Apr-05/3:12 PM
submit this to an NA meditation book
Re: a comment on Untitled by http://mulberryfairy	http://mulberryfairy 216.195.164.97	30-Apr-05/3:09 PM
Thanks. I don't want to narrow it down that much, because I am trying to convey this undercurrent of conception/life/birth here, too. Did it come through at all?
Re: The benefit of being realistic by Jeremi B. Handrinos	Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18	30-Apr-05/12:07 PM
what can I say? I'm a fan.
Re: Untitled by http://mulberryfairy	Dovina 204.250.12.246	30-Apr-05/11:09 AM
"Nightmare", "Avoidnace" possible titles. What we do to obliterate him and his power.