Re: a comment on The Instructor by Alizarin_Crimson	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I was thinking that too, but I like it better than -dash. It feels like a wider stroke.
Re: Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	3-May-05/2:29 PM
The annual Oshkosh fly-in? Just wondering.
Re: Waffleman by Stephen Robins	wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 195.157.153.249	3-May-05/2:29 PM
WTF?
Re: The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Absolutely marvellous, squire.
Re: Next time by Billy Fights	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Im surprised you classed this as a pimple - its far better than that, and the mere utterance of said spotty poetry turns a lot of people here off. 9
Re: Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Neatly worked, although it seemed to suddenly shift pace in the middle of the 2nd stanza. intentional perhaps or am i being a fool? 8
Re: Actor by horus8	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
creative, I like the initial loose rhyme. 'I was hoping for a thin Val Kilmer'...certainly sir. 9
Re: The O&E Remix by writeleft	Ranger 131.251.0.55	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Awesome, I love this poem! Maybe the last stanza is slightly detached, but to be honest I'd be lying if I said it made any real problems. 10
Re: Actor by horus8	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Kill the 1st stanza (unfortunate words considering the theme) but your story which follows needs not such a intangible introduction. P.S. I've had 2 Tom Cruise dreams in the last year and does he realize his celebrity has encroached on Everyman's sleep space? weird!
Re: Racism by Dovina	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Kind of confusing about "the six" and I think the possessive "tiger's" in line 1 doesn't work, however, I am attracted to the feeling of eyeing up the competition, and I want this to be longer.
Re: Home by Dovina	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
...P.P.S. beware accidental capitalization at line beginnings.
Re: Home by Dovina	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Try omitting "Then" from stanza 2 & "Finally" from stanza 4...the auxiliary (sp?) words already give the sense of time. I read the 1st stanza aloud to myself (and sleeping cat) and it is great. 9.2.
Re: a comment on Void by darylchew	jessicazee 152.163.100.195	3-May-05/2:29 PM
You're welcome (if you were directing my way...). I'd love it if you commented on the poem I just posted, "Grandma and Grandpa" if you have the time.
Re: a comment on Void by darylchew	darylchew 202.156.2.130	3-May-05/2:29 PM
thank you very much.
Re: Void by darylchew	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
Omit "yet the" in line 2; also the "Like" in line 5; try in the single line 8 leaving out "For". I think it you would say so much more without giving the reader obvious clues of metaphor. This is really very good. 8.9
Re: Just Another Poem by Damien	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I kind of love that you capitalized "Maths" and also the 3rd & 4th lines are brilliant. Suggestion: leave a space between every two rhyming lines. Not sure, but an idea. Good, I read it 3 times. 9.1.
Re: Next time by Billy Fights	jessicazee 152.163.100.135	3-May-05/2:29 PM
The second stanza rocks my world, a cliche, I know, but really, very very good. Maybe de-mystify the third stanza for us underlings, and also revise to lowercase the beginnings of lines that permit it. 9.6
Re: Void by darylchew	zodiac 212.118.19.183	3-May-05/2:29 PM
You'd do better to write this without some of the punctuation: - no comma after 'letter' - no comma after 'imagination' - no semicolon after 'depicts' - no comma after 'trains' - no comma after 'story' Go ahead, tell me you did it on purpose.
Re: Spirit In a Temple by peaceseeker	zodiac 212.118.19.183	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I don't think you meant "physiological".
Re: There's no point by LosT SykoPath	eliznhaz 65.246.232.101	3-May-05/2:29 PM
wow this is an excellent poem