Re: Ode to Billy Mac by windyone	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/1:34 PM
There's nothing really wrong with this poem except that it should be properly punctuated and doesn't really have anything distinguishing it. Original or striking poems about friends are hard to write. And there are far too many friend-poems on poemranker. If you're bent on doing it, though, here's an interesting place to start: http://www.slate.com/id/2092680 Or here: http://www.slate.com/id/3416, http://www.slate.com/id/33215, http://www.slate.com/id/2089046
Re: Country Song by Caducus	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/1:31 PM
Aren't you, like, Welsh? This isn't really a country song. Real country music these days is filled with boasts about the singer's anti-intellectualism. Here's one I just heard (in an Old Town Amman shawerma stand, no less!): http://ww2.lafayette.edu/~shuppr/lamusic/pina.htm
Re: a comment on Ode to Billy Mac by windyone	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/1:16 PM
Try not to post explanatory comments on your poems.
Re: a comment on the solitary tree by bamf909	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/1:09 PM
Yes, all of that is clear, even to Dovina and even without "display yellow cowardice", which (I agree with her) is overstatement. I think you forgot to include purple in your poem, and then forgot that you forgot it. That's just as well. The poem stands as well with "amber waves of grain" but without the cowardice bit or anything purple. Try to avoid the temptation to post explanatory comments on your poem. In the case of this poem it's unnecessary, and even in other cases it's not like you're going to be able to go around explaining your poems to everybody who reads them forever.
Re: a comment on the solitary tree by bamf909	bamf909 63.26.53.90	22-Apr-05/12:30 PM
ok, i will explain the poem. the solitary tree is the individual who stands alone for what he or she believes in while the government has worked to strike fear into the hearts of the general populace, hence "stands firm." the wheat (amber waves of grain) represents the rest of the american people, who have succumbed to their cowardice and are now yellow (as opposed to amber)and also contrast with purple (purple mountains' majesty)implying a lack of majesty. "waving in the wind" is in contrast with the firm resolve shown by the tree, meaning that the people allow themselves to be thrown to and fro acording to whatever events are currently transpiring. the next stanza describes a political "storm," relevant because of today's political turmoil. "sudden storms" can be interpreted as recent global events (I had 9/11 and the war in iraq in mind). the "crackling calm" is (to me at least), the period of tension between 9/11 and when the government took action. "thunder shakes and showers render/ heaven's lightning a fiery flare" evokes images of war and bombing (think back to the "shock and awe" campaign). cinders and sparks are the aftermath of the war, smaller and smaller bits of violence. the tree (individual) has been struck down, the casualty (not literally) of the war, his or her views have been tossed aside, destroyed. Still, the dignity that individual retains allows it to stand taller than the wheat (the rest of society), demonstarting that even after suffering a devastating blow, the individual's honor is greater than if he or she had conformed like the wheat.
Re: Ode to Billy Mac by windyone	windyone 63.245.189.43	22-Apr-05/12:24 PM
written to a friend who passed like a breath of fresh air through my life at a very difficult period
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/11:33 AM
3) My family is British imported to Ireland in order to oppress your family. Would anybody with any maturity suggest that this justifies your oppression of me? Would anybody with any maturity suggest that your oppression would best take the form of refusing to vote on my poemranker posts? Why not? My family's oppression of yours is contemporaneous with slavery, likely as horrendous, and much more certain than your or my family's association with slavery. In any event, it's horribly perjorative to black suffering (in the past and present) and to blacks living today to propose that black suffering might be even slightly amended by black people's refusal to hire whites or by skipping you at their readings, and to suggest that any reasonable black person would suggest it. Especially considering that MOST blacks know there's just no point to it, it's childish, and nobody alive today really had anything to do with slavery. With Rodney King, yes. With slavery, no. 4) Statistically, blacks have far less power, wealth, freedom, and so on than whites. There is simply no way blacks could realistically oppress whites. What's that? They have poetry readings? They have poetry readings of their own, where they insult whites? So what? Whites own 99% of the world's media, and a good 99.5% of its poetry readings. Most of which, if it touches on race at all, denigrates blacks. That's hardly what I call a situation ripe for black conquest. Suggesting blacks could realistically do anything close to oppression shows at best a colossal ignorance of the inequality still faced by blacks. PS-I was being ironic about the vernal thing. And if you're going to hold me to some sense-making standard, try making a little yourself. A good place to start would be actually reading my comment and responding to what's written there. Replying 'blah blah blah, you sure do talk alot,' is just not going to cut it.
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/11:31 AM
NO, NO, NO. LISTEN, NO ONE IS SAYING IT'S THE SAME THING. AND NO ONE'S SAYING BLACKS ARE THE SAME AS WHITES OR WOMEN ARE THE SAME AS MEN. NO ONE. NOBODY. But no one except for you is saying whites or men have the right to tell blacks or women what to do. That's point number one. I'm growing to hate these bulleted lists, but seriously I can't think of another way to get it into your head (or at least keep us on the same page). So here: 1) "Go ahead", "ignore me", etc, TELL YOUR BLACK ADDRESSEES WHAT TO DO. Yes, you assume (and I assume) that's what they want to do in the first place. That's irrelevant. The stanza assumes for one that they're not already doing it (or else why would you tell them?) and for two that they'll care that (or act differently because) you're telling them. Assuming that they're not already doing it is racist because it gives whites a higher place in black thinking, employment considerations, verse, and readings than they have or deserve (i.e., none.) Assuming that they'll care that you're telling them is racist because why the hell should they care? And WHY DO THEY NEED YOUR APPROVAL? Oppression is by definition unrelated to the approval/disapproval of the oppressed. As in the example, I simply haven't any right to tell you how many comments to post tonight. And by telling you to post 25, I'm assuming I have that right/authority; I'm putting myself over you, even if you refuse to acknowledge my authority. Can you seriously not see how? 2) As always, oppression of blacks is not referenced anywhere in the poem except in the past tense. Saying that past events justify black counteroppression of whites but not that current events justify it is racist because it denies a whole continuing slew of injustices against blacks which also ALSO JUSTIFY COUNTEROPPRESSION (if anything does.) It also conveniently distances you, Dovina, from any injustice against blacks. That cannot be the case, if only by the fact of your existing and being white in the world; and in any case it's bad form not to acknowledge that there are bad things YOU might have done.
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	Dovina 204.250.12.246	22-Apr-05/10:59 AM
If you can only expunge calling Goad 'as vernal as spring' you think you can regain the respect of -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.. To gain my respect, it will take more than that, as if you care. It will take making sense at least 30% of the time. Your test statement to me: "Go ahead, Dovina, post 25 comments on poemranker tonight. In the Middle Ages, men regularly oppressed women. Now that there's no inequality between men and women, go wild." is not offensive. Men and women have never been equal and never will be, neither will giraffes and zebras. Pointing out differences between giraffes and zebras or pointing out the ways they have treated each other over the years is not the same as favoring one over the other.
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/10:48 AM
I know you don't, despite that I've tried to point it out in about a half-dozen different ways. You can't say that it favors blacks because (nominally) acknowledges (distant past) white mistakes and offers a kind of compensation. For the last time, suppose I said the following: Go ahead, Dovina, post 25 comments on poemranker tonight. In the Middle Ages, men regularly oppressed women. Now that there's no inequality between men and women, go wild. Yes, I know I'm exaggerating. That's not the point. What would you think about me saying that? Would you think I was feminist? Would you not think one or more of the following? - In the Middle Ages? What the fuck is he talking about? - No inequality? What about women making 70 cents on men's dollar in America? - Who is he to say how many comments I can post on poemranker? - I was going to post 25 comments anyway. In short, would you not feel a little condescended to and indignant? Please, please just answer these questions. PS-No one is seriously suggestiong that saying one race is slightly worse than another justifies favoritism. I don't know where you got that, unless it was from some ironic comment of -=Dark_Angel=-P.I.'s that I've forgotten. If anything, your poem is the only thing justifying favoritism. PPS-I'm not worried about defending -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I.. I'm worried about getting his respect back after mistakenly calling Goad 'as vernal as spring' ages ago.
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	Dovina 204.250.12.246	22-Apr-05/10:29 AM
My Friday night is going unracistly, and so is my poem. How you can see any implication of racisism in this poem is beyond me. If anything it favors Blacks, but I would not even admit to that if challenged. To say that one race is slightly worse than another, thereby justifying favoritism is ludicrous. And why do you always step in to defend Dark Angel, as if he needs your help?
Re: a comment on the solitary tree by bamf909	Dovina 204.250.12.246	22-Apr-05/10:20 AM
You have missed my point. You called the amber waves cowardly. That's telling us something unsubstanciated by anything you said previously. And amber waves of grain is a cliche. The opinions and images in your comment are not in your poem. the poem jabs us with things after you have already said them, making us feel belittled. What you think about cowardice is alright, but how you say it is not.
Re: a comment on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/10:18 AM
You're way off the mark. Incidentally (and, shamefully, without bothering to consult your past comments), it strikes me that you really started thinking -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I. (or, to a lesser extent, I) was racist because he said a bunch of things like "this poem is as appealing as a refrigerator-truckful of suffocated Negro refugees" - i.e., in terms of bias, something equivalent to your giraffe metaphor. Can I conclude that you're not being ironic, then? Do you even know? PS-As I said below, I think it's unfair to equate a bias with racism, sexism, or whatever. As far as I can tell, people will inevitably have biases. But a more severe bias just doesn't necessarily correspond to more racist behavior. To wit, accept for a minute that -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I. does have a stronger bias toward whites than you (or I) do. Does that mean he (in good faith) writes more poems or comments denigrating blacks than you or I do? Of course not. Your poem is actually racist; his posts are usually just making fun of people who are unknowingly (or hypocritically) racist. PPS-I'm willing to accept that you've totally unknowingly created a racist poem, and to apologize for calling you, rather than the poem, racist. However, I'd say there are probably a lot more unknowing racists, or people who are racist by carelessness, than people who are knowingly racist. If the poem were all I had to go by, I'd have to say you're racist - despite knowing that you're really a decent, loving person. PPPS-I'm writing this way because I'm drunk and have been reading Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel in downtown Amman. How's your Friday night going?
Re: The South Side of Racine, 1988 by jessicazee	Dovina 204.250.12.246	22-Apr-05/10:14 AM
A reminise like this needs a little more to grab the attention of somebody who's new to your street.
Re: Panda Love by Semper Phildelis	bamf909 63.26.221.238	22-Apr-05/10:12 AM
this is kind of funny. i think "bang" is kind of harsh. i want to like the male panda, and that means he should be more sensitive to her needs. why odesnt he bring her a bouquet of bamboo shoots or something? (5)
Re: a comment on the solitary tree by bamf909	bamf909 63.26.221.238	22-Apr-05/10:08 AM
i'm not sure i could leave that out. "amber waves of grain" is important to the poem's metaphor, and i actually think that the contrast between purple and yellow shows the contrast between the cowardice shown by many americans in not standing up for what they believe in, and the proud culture of courage that we have historically prided ourselves on. so that part has to stay, i think, but im certainly open to suggestions about shortening other parts, especially the middle stanza, which contains a lot of imagery that may or may not be necessary to understanding the concept of the poem.
Re: A greater purpose? by Damien	Dovina 204.250.12.246	22-Apr-05/10:07 AM
This would be good if I found it scratched on a bar napkin. As a poem, it's a disjointed ramble. I think you should think about what you want to say before saying it. some good thoughts are scratched here.
Re: the solitary tree by bamf909	Dovina 204.250.12.246	22-Apr-05/10:01 AM
You tell us too much. Use fewer words and choose carefully. Avoid telling us things like "amber waves of grain display yellow cowardice." This has poetntial.
Re: a comment on Trying to get signed? by Damien	zodiac 81.10.126.152	22-Apr-05/9:56 AM
You reply to every comment that I have replied to. Plus, you have the advantage of not living in an extremely boring country. At least, as dull as Manchester is, it's not as dull as the Middle East, and right now I'd talk to a talking cow if it meant I could speak English. Re the second bit: Yes, you are. And saying you're wrong about something isn't a negative attitude. Otherwise, I'd just have to agree with every silly thing you said if I wanted keep a positive attitude. Or go find something better to do. Even saying you're wrong about something you dumb motherfucker isn't a negative attitude. Maybe I just like the expression dumb motherfucker. The problem, as I see it, is I'm making conclusions about you based on things you say (like, "Damien never spells or writes grammar correctly" or, "Damien's arguments are hypocritical and incoherent"), while you're making conclusions based on absolutely nothing (like, "zodiac sits around his computer all day", "zodiac is so shallow he has to say something back", or "everybody on this site makes assumptions except me"). Maybe if you took care of that problem, you'd find the attitudes on poemranker a lot less, um, negative.
Re: Country Song by Caducus	Dovina 204.250.12.246	22-Apr-05/9:51 AM
The irony of time - the order of things is wrong. Clean up a few grammar gaps.