Free verse № 123379
Trying to get signed?
I do not understand this frame of mind
I only feel the truth inside it I fly
One day I am someone with the highest ambition
The next I could be complete if I forget this competition
Because if I choose to acknowledge this as a worth full fight
I will do something new, as I know how to catch peopleâs sight
I will think of the next big thing not what you bring
You humans will be shocked at what evolution sings
So I will write and contemplate whilst growing from within
Be persistent with my dreams and "just go for it"
All I need now is an honest opinion of this
If I can write this simply do I have a gift?
But stop if you are judging as you scum destroy
Leave me be rip me up cant you see I will find joy
Canât you see youâre the key that can begin this process?
My expressions will progress, as my mind is not hopeless
37 comments
Thanks for the positive response.
Q: What do you mean you can "be more flexible without it"?
A: You're cr*p at grammar, so you've invented a reason why it's ok to be cr*p.
You can only be "more flexible" without grammar if you ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE F*CK YOU ARE DOING.
If you were to take up fishing, you'd feel you could be "more flexible without the pole".
Ironically the pole is the most flexible thing in fishing, aside from your limp cock which hasn't been fully deployed since Grandma bit a chunk off during a rather rowdy episode of "Countdown."
GET A LIFE
GET A LIFE
GET A LIFE
Plus it makes them feel "Hard" E.t.c (F*cking scumbags)
<3 Jason
"Think what you want but express what you like not what is wrong."
Which makes me think that you only want positive comments on your poems. Now, if you really wanted to improve you would welcome all constructive criticism, but you don't. This makes me think that you are a little too insecure to receive constructive criticism as it is meant. Now if you put you poems on a website called "poemRANKER", then you can't really get all upset if someone scores you a zero; that's just their perception of your work. There's no point expecting people to build up your self image, when the image they will create (of an excellent poet) is inaccurate. You say "All I need now is an honest opinion of this
If I can write this simply do I have a gift?", you've been given an honest answer, and you've got all upset about it. It may suprise you, but if you do write something brilliant, it will generally get comments saying it is brilliant.
And finally, the grammer issue. You must accept that it is important, consider the following two sentences:
A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman; without her, man is nothing.
Identical words, almost directly contradictory meanings, all achieved by the placement of punctuation. So your claim that:
"if everybody decided to do this we would still understand each other."
may not be as correct as you think. Even the addition of a few commas to your poems would help a great deal, think of it as helping hands guiding the reader through your work.
Now don't get all offensive.
you only want positive comments on your poems
if you really wanted to improve you would welcome all constructive criticism, but you don't
you are a little too insecure to receive constructive criticism
Ans as for:
"All I need now is an honest opinion of this
If I can write this simply do I have a gift?",
AM I NOT ALOUD TO USE MY IMAGINATION
What you don't say is whether my opinions of you are accurate. I think most of those who have been on the receiving end to your childish tantrums regarding the marks awarded you would agree with me. What do you think?
ALLOWED, not ALOUD. And even so I don't get your point, are you saying that in some metaphorical sense you are not asking for an opinion on your work?
You also fail to answer the point regarding your (non) use of grammar.
Perhaps the "key that can begin this process" is for you to accept that you could improve your writing, and your response to the comments of others. Especially when said comments are not a direct attack but an honest critique.
1) zodiac doesn't use constructive criticism "without trying to make sense." -- I always use constructive criticism WHILE trying to make sense.
2) Goad is " bamboon... big headed egotistic being". -- Goad's not a bamboon, egotistic, or a real being.
3) You touched zodiac's "nerve". -- No you didn't.
4) zodiac sits around a computer all day. -- No, actually you're on poemranker a lot more often than I am. And I sit around a desert all day, not a computer.
5) zodiac is old. -- I'm not much older than you.
6) zodiac's egotistic. -- No, I was just trying to tell you to use their, instead of there. I'm not egotistic about pants, either, but if you went outside without yours, I'd try to let you know.
7) rockmage is a "little boy" and looks like a "d*ckhead". -- rockmage is about a hundred years old and looks like a v*gina.
8) rockmage "came here to offend." -- rockmage is consistently the nicest poemranker user. You're the offensive one and only came here to get your knob polished by juvenile kissasses.
9) Stephen Robbins is on your side. -- Stephen wishes you would fall in a well.
10) zodiac has "the intention to save the world." -- Actually, I'd like to see the world fall in a well.
11) ho_hum made about 8 assumptions. -- No he didn't.
12) ho_hum is still making assumptions even if he doesn't express them. -- No he's not. So shut the fuck up.
remarks. I notice you enjoy putting people down (wow what an assumption) and love a good argument (another assumption? I'me getting good). heres a few extracts, also I think people should check your voting history, you have an average of 6.25 or something. Utterly discusting.
Congratulations, this is the man you just called a brainiac: http://rockmage.com/biograp...
Get bored and leave soon.
Re: 15 Minute poem by Damien* 18-Apr-05/10:37 PM
Just think how much better this poem would have been if you'd spent 30 minutes on it instead of 15. What were you so busy doing that you couldn't spend another fifteen minutes and made it twice as good? I'll bet you were whacking off to either the blonde daughter or the gothish daughter, or both, on Rosanne.
Re: Snap by rockmage 17-Apr-05/6:07 AM
"rotates a swirl", what? Do you really mean something like "swirls a swirl" or "spins a spin"? Seems like a waste of precious haikullables to me.
Re: Why The Spinning Top Appears Too Beautiful To Touch by PsydewaysTears 17-Apr-05/6:05 AM
Drop the line at the end if you want this to even start being considered as a real poem.
Also, write about a real situation. I know you think you are, but you're not. Make your hero/narrator/whatever walking somewhere, doing something, having a realistic conversation - something to tie things together and be more than just whatever goth cliches popped into your head as you were writing. So you've got a dinner party in there somewhere; use that. Start with a person cleaning stains out of the carpet. Really. Start with the line, "She/he scrubbed stains in the carpet" and go from there. Drop 90% of the lines in this poem that aren't about getting ready for dinner parties. I'm absolutely serious. Even Eliot made his rambling egos WALKING somewhere.
Re: Reincarnation by Dovina 17-Apr-05/6:00 AM
Not to be irrelevant, but I've always wondered what's the point of reincarnating if you don't remember your past lives. Do you think some people do? If not, how do you think a past self affects somebody's present self? If it doesn't (or doesn't much), isn't it pretty much the same thing as not being reincarnated?
By contrast, the comments you've posted on OTHER PEOPLE'S POEMS BESIDES YOUR OWN are:
"Sorry I have never rated any of your poems I am just at work when I am on the net. Nice feel although not a dastic subject, plus how can I say anything bad to someone who has offered nothing but support. Keep up the good work and get in contact with me about publishing books as this is a dream of mine.
Love the style"
"Very nice mouthfull, love the style, great talent and wonderfullllll subject. "
"No real movement for me but it does represent what you can do with words."
And
"Feels like something I would of wrote. I trulty feel the meaning, if only these other "critiques" could see that."
Can you honestly say that any of these poems gives a useful suggestion or does anything else except
a) give vague fluffy praise,
b) trash the poem in a vague, rather fluffy way, or
c) trash "critiques"?
NEWSFLASH: It's entirely up to EVERYBODY ON POEMRANKER how they express themselves.
ANOTHER NEWSFLASH: That doesn't mean no one can call anyone else here 'a hapless fuck.'
NEWSEXPLOSION: I am not here to offend anybody,when people offend me I am replying once but they are not giving up, who is holding this persistent negative attitude? err, you.
Re the second bit: Yes, you are. And saying you're wrong about something isn't a negative attitude. Otherwise, I'd just have to agree with every silly thing you said if I wanted keep a positive attitude. Or go find something better to do. Even saying you're wrong about something you dumb motherfucker isn't a negative attitude. Maybe I just like the expression dumb motherfucker.
The problem, as I see it, is I'm making conclusions about you based on things you say (like, "Damien never spells or writes grammar correctly" or, "Damien's arguments are hypocritical and incoherent"), while you're making conclusions based on absolutely nothing (like, "zodiac sits around his computer all day", "zodiac is so shallow he has to say something back", or "everybody on this site makes assumptions except me"). Maybe if you took care of that problem, you'd find the attitudes on poemranker a lot less, um, negative.
Anyway, most of the people here who ARE making assuptions are making them based on your writing, like "Damien could stand to work on his grammar", while you're making assumptions based on almost nothing. In the case of "zodiac sits around his computer all day", your only basis for thinking that is that I happen to be on a website typing - which YOU'RE ALSO DOING.
PS-All of us are messing around at work. None of us (except maybe Stephen and Fraser) are employed as professional poemranker responders. Please don't make assumptions about us, especially when you're doing the same thing as we are. That's no way to enlightenment, buddy.
And this is not how I come across in conversation.
Here you go: lets be friends, I am sorry for any remark I made to offend whether true or false. A TRUCE.
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