on Hot Air Balloons by jess33
23 Sep 2002, 3:59 AM
Sweet
on yellow afterthoughts by royalflesh
23 Sep 2002, 3:45 AM
The more I read this the better it becomes. It takes a while for the situation to become clear to muddle-headed dimwit like myself, but it soon breaks out pretty powerfully. Yep.
on Invitation to Seduction by searching
23 Sep 2002, 3:47 AM
I liked this until the last line - I think 'fences ' is there because it rhymes with 'senses', not because it expresses best your meaning. But I like the whole existential/erotic combination. Monsieur Camus would be proud.
on Ex In Bonds by OneFingerAnswer
23 Sep 2002, 3:56 AM
Let the poor bastard go! I know how it feels. Horrible! Effective poem though.
on The Class of 2012 by jess33
23 Sep 2002, 4:01 AM
I agree with your point and your ending but I wonder if it could do with some cutting earlier on?
on Night Photograph by jess33
23 Sep 2002, 4:02 AM
But that hope must be dashed soon afterwards? There is a loneliness behind this poem that I really like.
on A Short Message to You by jess33
23 Sep 2002, 4:05 AM
Some of the phrasing I find a bit awkward - 'pushing the envelope' is too much a cliche, and the 'parochial underdog' scans uneasily - but what you are saying is very good. It's this kind of thing that put me off God completely but it's good to argue with him like this and keep your faith if you can.
on Love and Marriage in Da Nang by Tascobar
23 Sep 2002, 4:13 AM
Well, I like it, even though Joseph Heller got there first.
on Mommy, why does -=DarkAngel=- use 'an' so much? by <{Baba^Yaga}>
23 Sep 2002, 4:20 AM
I'm sure Dark Angel is delighted with this. But you didn't put 'e' on the end of prawn.
on No insurance? No treatment! by <{Baba^Yaga}>
23 Sep 2002, 4:24 AM
I pity the poor fool who gets in a cab with you. This is a pretty focussed rant, you swipe at evything worthing swiping at.
on some deleted poem
23 Sep 2002, 6:01 AM
What is roath?
on the silent storm by mallory180
23 Sep 2002, 6:05 AM
I don'think you need to spellout that you don't want to live in the past-your message would be obvious if you just said that theat you decided to turn away from your old house - you only need to show,not tell.
on some deleted poem
23 Sep 2002, 6:07 AM
Kinda beautiful...
on My Mountain (An ode to the nature poem) by Bachus
23 Sep 2002, 6:12 AM
Oh you and yourdaisy chains,oh you woodland sprite, o prince of pixies, but Yeats was never a nature poet, but never mind. Rips the crap out of Shelley, anyway.
on Every Day in Every Way by nentwined
23 Sep 2002, 3:41 AM
You are very good at unforced rhymes and I like the feeling this poem gives of images opening up from each other.
on Expeditions by Nicholas Jones
23 Sep 2002, 3:53 AM
This is very good. The images especially in the first stanza are vivid and full of guts.