on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 7:57 AM
The rhythms of this are very uncertain. 'Warry' = 'weary'? And coworkers just doesn't work, I'm afraid.
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 3:43 AM
Well, exactly....Life is so conditional
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 3:53 AM
This stream of consciousness really works here - full of freaks indeed. This works beyond rationality. Spook.
on drum circle by <~>
22 Aug 2002, 7:55 AM
I also wonder if this is a bit ragged around the edges, but the concrete section in the middle is beuatifully handled.
This is a very traditional poem on a very traditional subject. That said, the rhyming is really good - totally unforced, especially in the stanza discussing the marble and the rose - and the metre is flawlessy adhered to. I'm not so sure about the syntactical inversion ''Tis fair to in a brothel hide' though.It's 1798 all over again....
on Dear Ms. Sexton by <{Baba^Yaga}>
22 Aug 2002, 2:27 AM
So it is song lyrics? Well funny. I read that, I hear the rhythms, I hear the 'crash,boom,bam', the carnivals and lemonades and Doctors and it all sounds in my head like Tom Waits. It would be interesting to hear you actually sing it to pick up on the Buckley and Cohen slant.
on would i be considered crazy by silvertongueddevil
22 Aug 2002, 2:32 AM
Sorry guys, i don't know why my computer sent that four times....
on The Precious Thing by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
22 Aug 2002, 2:46 AM
Bizarrely, I find this quite moving as well as funny.
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 2:58 AM
Oh yes, a witty joke. Except were the fingers rotten as soon as they were severed by the lathe, or rotten beforehand? And how fragile is the earth round your way that it can be broken by a couple of falling digits? Details matter in the haiku form.
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 4:03 AM
I like this, again your rhythms really give pace to your images and ideas, but I agree about the 'river called emotion' - I don't think you need to spell it out
on Sleepy Geek by razorgrin
22 Aug 2002, 4:06 AM
This is very funny. I know exactly how you feel. We obviously have the same neighbours.
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 4:18 AM
Never mind God - his wife obviously has things sewn up. I like the idea of the birth/death cycle that runs through these - there must be room for Gaia as well?
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 5:28 AM
Now I understand, this makes sense. Need to brush up on my Latin! Still does nothing for me though, sorry.
on Tennesee Waterfall by razorgrin
22 Aug 2002, 6:30 AM
You are the mistress of the humorous haiku.
on Untitled by unknown
22 Aug 2002, 6:34 AM
All your poems are on the same subject, using the same imagery and following the same present-tense progressionless structure. Try something different!
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2002, 6:38 AM
Stark and bleak and simple - very pwerful indeed. Perhaps lose the first two lines? Because lines 3-4 have a human power your more abstract first two lines lack.
on Tennesee Waterfall by razorgrin
22 Aug 2002, 7:10 AM
Hey, you've got me to thank for getting you on the 15 best poems list!
on Intense Irrational Realities by Venus
22 Aug 2002, 2:02 AM
This is erotic as hell. You're a sly one, Venus. I like it.