on listen by elderking
26 Nov 2005, 9:08 AM
It seems a complicasted way of saying she ignores you.
on The Rise of Dr Herbert Cyan by cyan9
23 Nov 2005, 7:40 AM
I take the good doctor as a creation of the character Marvyn Hyde. (You need to change the footnote.) It portrays for me the process of self reinvention, which I can relate to. Alchemy thought you were talking about drugs, and maybe you are.
on Devictus by nocturnalism
22 Nov 2005, 5:01 PM
Why do you curse the gods for you unforgivableness? Still, it's a haunting lament.
on One Second by TLRufener
22 Nov 2005, 5:02 PM
I will comment and vote on this if you will promise not to delete any more comments that are not your own.
on No Worries by Dovina
23 Nov 2005, 7:17 AM
I have been accused, elsewhere on Poemranker, of plagiarizing this poem. I ask you, has plagiarism occurred when I cite the source and describe how I use it?
on O dear. by celticskatermatt1
24 Nov 2005, 11:52 AM
It's the way of emotion, and emotion gets it's way. After "Due Consideration" (see my poem by that title) we decide by the seat of our pants or by what feels right. You've said it well.
on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy
25 Nov 2005, 11:40 AM
I like the Islamic references, but wish you'd leave Bin Laden out. Would be stronger I think just showing the attitudes. And prestidigitation adds nothing over magic. Some good images, but some are vague.
on The copper man and Labrador by Caducus
29 Nov 2005, 5:17 PM
The last line might turn it into another Poor-man-dead poem, except for âshrapnel for our conscienceâ which I see as a painful wound on the collective sensibility â maybe because of the medal, or just maybe because they all agreed with the dog. Provocative.
on Virtue and Sin by dooley
30 Nov 2005, 9:15 PM
I presume all the quotes are from the 8-page poem. They seem scattered as shown. But the kicker is "Virtue for women is lower than sin . . .Virtue is a trait few women can see." Do you really mean that?
I agree with zodiac, and if you stay here very long you'll know that's rare.
You've don it again - put virtue lower than sin, at least to some. It seems a strange line at the end of a love poem.
Too many words in many of the lines for my taste. But overall it's good.
You've don it again - put virtue lower than sin, at least to some. It seems a strange line at the end of a love poem.
Too many words in many of the lines for my taste. But overall it's good.
on Calenders, Painters and the Boy who imagined Everything by avery
2 Dec 2005, 11:54 AM
A few suggestions: Use different styles if you want, but not within the same poem. Try for consistency of rhythm, like the rhythm you start with, for example. And try not to mix styles of language, like using "doth" (doeth)in a modedrn English poem. And try not use semicolons so much. And don't give up.
on For my unborn by Caducus
2 Dec 2005, 11:59 AM
In heaven SLEEP my children.
on Searching by celticskatermatt1
2 Dec 2005, 10:08 AM
Either you're trying to be funny or this is full of mistakes.
on Light within darkness by Caducus
2 Dec 2005, 10:13 AM
Could be a Christmas card, a kind of sad beauty.
Jesus LIES buried.
Jesus LIES buried.
on Shoebox Thoughts by BrandonW
4 Dec 2005, 1:33 PM
She sat there staring
at our old pictures wondering
who was living then
at our old pictures wondering
who was living then
on Popular Lovers by wilco
4 Dec 2005, 1:42 PM
It seems you're comparing a mill (sawmill, gristmill) to a run down apartment, or vice versa. Other than that confusion, it's cool.
on The Incubation by oneglove
6 Dec 2005, 1:00 PM
Wordy in places, but good. The long lines could be shortened or cut.
on laugh again by skaskowski
6 Dec 2005, 1:04 PM
How can the rim of a coin be a mobius strip? What metaphor?