on am i right? by celticskatermatt1
26 Apr 2005, 4:51 PM
"will we/they ever see the truth?" is the most overused and senseless line in all of poesy.
on Ode To The Fly In My Beer by ChaseValentine
26 Apr 2005, 4:55 PM
The last line kills it. Happiness is not at the bottom of a bottle.
on some deleted poem
25 Apr 2005, 9:17 AM
"from"? in the first line.
"every"? hue in the second line.
I'm sacreligious, I know.
"every"? hue in the second line.
I'm sacreligious, I know.
on some deleted poem
26 Apr 2005, 5:02 PM
The last line double negative doesn't cut it. "I only find in dreams, and yesterday" is good, sans the comma. Some strange lines, like 5 - 7. Almost wish you'd begin with verse 3.
on Self Conscious by Damien
25 Apr 2005, 11:05 AM
Frankly, I think you've gone downhill. Your early poems showed a unique, though debatably inadequate style. Then, after much ridicule, you turned another way - not as good, in my opinion, as what you can make of your original stuff. that original style is workable, I think, but needs refinement, which is the hard part. Receiving inspiration is easy; developing craft is not.
on Lost key for a hall-closet by zodiac
27 Apr 2005, 6:41 AM
Verses 1 and 2 flow well. Verse 3 starts a transition (knew is really known or new) "She's a lowland topography to her life" is good. Some lines seem unrelated, like, "a man never lost without thinking
the word new"
the word new"
on I killed you in New Mexico by sunset sky
27 Apr 2005, 6:56 AM
Provocative, but lacking whatever it was that connected them and a reason for the love-lilling.
on Sailor Dress by sunset sky
27 Apr 2005, 7:01 AM
Well told story. Why did she do it? - that's the lingering question.
Welcome to poemranker.
Welcome to poemranker.
on some deleted poem
29 Apr 2005, 6:10 AM
I was my own worst enemy when I said, "OK, I'll do it your way."
on Untitled by http://mulberryfairy
30 Apr 2005, 11:09 AM
"Nightmare", "Avoidnace" possible titles. What we do to obliterate him and his power.
on A Simple Band of Metal by TLRufener
1 May 2005, 4:36 PM
"A vow without words" seems a more sentimental title. I'd like to see the "ever" taken out of "clear and ever true" and "laways" from "I will always love you" because the present night is good - why complicated it. And please make "your" yours in "And your and mine have become ours." The ambiguity of "less than precious stone" makes it all the more appealing.
on In the aspens by sliver
1 May 2005, 4:47 PM
I am not getting how the printing of poetry mocks mother nature here in the aspens. And how do we shout weaknesses that are previously unparalleled (unshouted or unfelt)?
Incomplete sentence: "As honey and dew drips quietly from silent tongues."
Aspen leaves are yellow in the fall, so how do leaves of every color litter the ground?
But like Mulberry says, the next lines are good.
Sorry, I'm picky today.
Incomplete sentence: "As honey and dew drips quietly from silent tongues."
Aspen leaves are yellow in the fall, so how do leaves of every color litter the ground?
But like Mulberry says, the next lines are good.
Sorry, I'm picky today.
on Requiem by ChaseValentine
1 May 2005, 4:52 PM
Overwritten, for effect no doubt, but the last lines are good.
on Walking Out by NoSage
1 May 2005, 4:56 PM
The title seems contrary. If you plan to help him/her through something and be a friend, you will not walk out.
on Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
An essay made to look like a poem. A prose poem at best.
on a way to pass time by unknown^user
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
Not enough poetic character. Call it an esay.
on Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
A tale well told, but I always look for the twist, the irony, the lesson, or the laugh. Still looking.
on some deleted poem
6 May 2005, 11:14 AM
It's a manly thing to be in charge, control the relationship, and I usually feel a romantic submissiveness when he does. But sometimes I want my own way. When I have insisted on my way too often, then shadows of regret cloud the present. Good poem.
on Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe
6 May 2005, 12:06 PM
A few too many words - supreme in line 2, of in line 6