on some deleted poem
19 Feb 2005, 8:13 PM
Somewhat repeatative, but nice
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2005, 4:41 PM
Perhaps your best. At least I get it and think I might have lived it. Some folks don't want to see anything but their paintings.
on If God Was a Nihilist by baughworm
18 Feb 2005, 8:55 AM
You are asking whether this stuff would happen if God has an opinion on whether it happens. It's like asking if God has any control, and implying He does not.
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2005, 9:33 PM
I'm not laughing because loving onesself is an essential prerequisite to loving another. I'm convinced of it. Few poets could say it as well.
on The Critical and His Horse by MacFrantic
18 Feb 2005, 5:10 PM
sad
on For Elizabeth, Wherever She May Be by wilco
19 Feb 2005, 6:32 AM
No, I couldn't stay mad. It's a pretty good poem no matter how old you are. It had more to do with some unrelated baloney. I hope youâve got sunny days wherever you are.
on Rusty knife to the kidney by INTRANSIT
19 Feb 2005, 6:36 AM
Wow, bet he never fixates again. Comes from the Bible story about woman made from the rib of man. Had to laugh, hope you meant it funny.
on Step Up by Blindpoetry
19 Feb 2005, 10:16 AM
The first verse is great, but what happens next? Misspelling and misgrammar to be sure, but what are you saying?
on some deleted poem
19 Feb 2005, 10:49 AM
The stomach lining of the anaconda that just swallowed you?
on On the Lawn by bamf909
19 Feb 2005, 8:17 PM
Poemranker has been down most of the afternoon and evening. That seems to happen quite often, and in your case explains the lack of initial commentary.
Wow, walking out in bare feet on frozen grass just to kiss her. That's great and nicely written. "convalescence" seems strange, try "red and green fuse to one."
Welcome aboard.
Wow, walking out in bare feet on frozen grass just to kiss her. That's great and nicely written. "convalescence" seems strange, try "red and green fuse to one."
Welcome aboard.
on He tells me to imagine... by RION12
19 Feb 2005, 8:22 PM
Said too plainly. Try for imaginative ways to say it.
on ~RePOST~Cupid's Arrow <----<< by nothingtoanyone
20 Feb 2005, 7:01 AM
We all know this is not a Shakespearian style poem. You used a few old English words for some reason, which zodiac picked-up on to ridicule you. Itâs what he does â finds some insignificant aspect of your poem to bash, while ignoring the thrust of what youâre trying to communicate.
If you are showing us cupidâs sting, as the title suggests, then the arrow has missed its mark, at least to my understanding. Start with getting the spelling and grammar so they say what you mean â ânorthernâ âbreathe a breathâ âwherefore is the desire thou desirestâ After fixing these, look at the things you are saying too many times. âwherefore is the desire thou desirestâ could be simply âwherefore is the desireâ and âbreathe a breath, a breath of bloodâ could be âbreathe a breath of blood.â Then look at your images and metaphors. Does âmoss-ridden muleâ say what you want to say?
I think this has potential for a good poem.
If you are showing us cupidâs sting, as the title suggests, then the arrow has missed its mark, at least to my understanding. Start with getting the spelling and grammar so they say what you mean â ânorthernâ âbreathe a breathâ âwherefore is the desire thou desirestâ After fixing these, look at the things you are saying too many times. âwherefore is the desire thou desirestâ could be simply âwherefore is the desireâ and âbreathe a breath, a breath of bloodâ could be âbreathe a breath of blood.â Then look at your images and metaphors. Does âmoss-ridden muleâ say what you want to say?
I think this has potential for a good poem.
on some deleted poem
20 Feb 2005, 8:24 PM
This starts as a beautifully written nature poem, with the freshness of a new convert, but it sinks as nature does to its beginnings. I think you need a long stroll in the rose and camellia gardens of the Huntington Library. I hear theyâre lovely this time of year.
on some deleted poem
21 Feb 2005, 7:47 AM
Are you trying to prove that your poetry sucks. To what lengths will you go to avoid kuddos?
on The Plane of War by MacFrantic
21 Feb 2005, 7:52 AM
War is bad. We know that, and unless a poem presents something unusual about it, the thing falls flat.
on some deleted poem
21 Feb 2005, 3:23 PM
Nonsense, and the spacing's bad
on Getting Pumped Up to Get Laid by PodPoet
22 Feb 2005, 2:42 PM
"layed" in the first line. And I think what we go through for a hunk is more than a hunk goes through to get layed.
on It's a Mammal, Stupid! by D. $ Fontera
22 Feb 2005, 2:44 PM
No excuse. You start well.
on Pennies by woodstock20000
22 Feb 2005, 2:47 PM
Scratch the last line. The first 5 lines seem bulky, wordy.