on Insanity by Lifeboatman
14 Feb 2005, 3:21 PM
Funny!
on Poem Written on a Ketchup Stained Paper Plate by woodstock20000
14 Feb 2005, 3:23 PM
Get a title and go with it - not bad.
on Valentine's Day is Two Days Away and I Don't Feel Loved by MacFrantic
14 Feb 2005, 3:17 PM
"Her charming come-hithers" is good. The rest so-so.
on Piercings by PsydewaysTears
14 Feb 2005, 3:34 PM
Forced rhymes: sneese-please, three-be
on some deleted poem
14 Feb 2005, 3:43 PM
An often-told tale of aging, but nicely told.
on Children in the Storm by thepinkbunnyofdoom
14 Feb 2005, 3:31 PM
Second to last verse is very nice.
window sill
Stop scaring me
wherever
window sill
Stop scaring me
wherever
on a study in blossoms and beauty by oneglove
14 Feb 2005, 3:46 PM
I'm glad I'm not your woman. I'd hate to be gushed over like this.
on some deleted poem
14 Feb 2005, 3:39 PM
I see the nails-wounds thing, but how is her surface in your limbs is like Christ on electrodes?
A tender expression of love. The king James English is a nice touch, but several places, I believe the grammar is wrong.
Line 1 - "doth" is spelled "doeth", but should be "do" in the plural, or just leave it out. Other lines similar.
"shalt" should be "shall" after an I.
"surely thou doth knowest" -> surely thou knowest
"inspiring my soul to happily moan" - good line.
Line 1 - "doth" is spelled "doeth", but should be "do" in the plural, or just leave it out. Other lines similar.
"shalt" should be "shall" after an I.
"surely thou doth knowest" -> surely thou knowest
"inspiring my soul to happily moan" - good line.
on Kiss of a rose by backstreetdreamer
12 Feb 2005, 8:06 AM
A lot of vague attempts at imagery here that are not developed. Some seem there only for rhyme and rhythm. The cadance is good, but I miss finding any strong point to it all.
on Bleed ,Rip and Tear by NoSage
15 Feb 2005, 3:42 PM
Please don't call this a sonnet. Thank you, I feel better now.
The first half is a nice little sermon on using small hurts to our advantage. Some will say that all preaching in poetry is bad. "Show, don't tell," they chant endlessly. But I like your little sermon. Then you get weird with the lukewarm thing, as if you might be bringing Scripture into it. And when God talks, well, it seems like a another way of saying to use hurts to our advantage.
The first half is a nice little sermon on using small hurts to our advantage. Some will say that all preaching in poetry is bad. "Show, don't tell," they chant endlessly. But I like your little sermon. Then you get weird with the lukewarm thing, as if you might be bringing Scripture into it. And when God talks, well, it seems like a another way of saying to use hurts to our advantage.
on Little Fly by PodPoet
15 Feb 2005, 3:49 PM
lol. It's not clear whether you're serious or poking fun, and that makes it a good poem.
I don't think you should call it Concrete.
I don't think you should call it Concrete.
on Never... by jessicazee
15 Feb 2005, 3:53 PM
A lot of these lines are just silly, but "Never believe anyone who doubts your trust" makes sense.
on some deleted poem
15 Feb 2005, 4:01 PM
The first nine lines are good, but need some trimming. The rest is downhill.
on Garage sale by INTRANSIT
16 Feb 2005, 9:02 PM
I'll give fifty cents for the scenery and because most of tha ants are sick.
on some deleted poem
16 Feb 2005, 3:01 PM
Your switch to the first person in the last line is distracting. Otherwise vivid.
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2005, 7:51 AM
Pretty good really. Overwritten, I thought at first, but no, pretty good.
on PG Naughty by Miggy
17 Feb 2005, 4:37 PM
Disgusting. An 8 for the writing, 0 for doing it.