on Lent Begins by jessicazee
4 Feb 2005, 7:48 AM
Good story.
on Save our Self(revised to be a trek into the vent tent) by Crakyamuni
1 Feb 2005, 8:54 PM
Doesn't make sense.
on Waiting for October by wilco
28 Jan 2005, 11:10 AM
A sad wait indeed. For what? Seems like it needs to say what she's waiting for.
on some deleted poem
29 Jan 2005, 10:59 AM
Too fragile . . . to move on. Yes!
on some deleted poem
30 Jan 2005, 4:16 PM
I laughed a little and thought it clever. "airbag suggested he stop" is funny. "species" seems a little off - I dunno, competators maybe.
on some deleted poem
30 Jan 2005, 4:20 PM
I disagree! Winter is a wonderland that I miss here in perpetual summer of Southern California. Not badly written though.
on Baghdad Election by Mona Lisa
31 Jan 2005, 11:31 AM
Very timely. The war is lost, yes, sadly.
on Ode to Brittanyy and her Dyke Jacket. by DreamerSupreme
1 Feb 2005, 8:53 PM
That's not nice!
on some deleted poem
4 Feb 2005, 12:48 PM
So nice to know you care enough to emulate.
on Satan's Pillar: The Wisdom of Heresy. by SupremeDreamer
1 Feb 2005, 3:07 PM
Well, for starters, try âaskâ in the first line. Nothing like bad grammar to tick off satin.
The second verse (lines 2 & 3) doesnât hold ginger ale because when a pious person comes to death, he seldom says that, but rather glorifies God.
After that dismal beginning, it improves. The statements to the dead man are poignant, if futile, since heâs dead.
Wait a minute, heâs alive again in the âdispiritedâ verse. You must mean in the afterlife. Whatever, that aggravates your cause, donât you think? Presuming an afterlife?
So here is the pious man arguing, presumably with Peter or some such Golden Gate Keeper, justifying his righteous life. But then itâs Death that laughs, so the whole thing is getting ethereal and weird.
The argument continues, but it seems futile. The man is already dead and in no position to change anything.
Other than that, itâs a fine fight.
The second verse (lines 2 & 3) doesnât hold ginger ale because when a pious person comes to death, he seldom says that, but rather glorifies God.
After that dismal beginning, it improves. The statements to the dead man are poignant, if futile, since heâs dead.
Wait a minute, heâs alive again in the âdispiritedâ verse. You must mean in the afterlife. Whatever, that aggravates your cause, donât you think? Presuming an afterlife?
So here is the pious man arguing, presumably with Peter or some such Golden Gate Keeper, justifying his righteous life. But then itâs Death that laughs, so the whole thing is getting ethereal and weird.
The argument continues, but it seems futile. The man is already dead and in no position to change anything.
Other than that, itâs a fine fight.
on some deleted poem
4 Feb 2005, 12:52 PM
Weird. Sounds scary and ridiculous at the same time. If I knew anything, I might even vote.
on some deleted poem
3 Feb 2005, 12:13 PM
The vertical alignment only adds confusion. The last four words don't make sense.
on Harry & the Little Bird by Goad
3 Feb 2005, 12:14 PM
What a poet will do to stick to a form!
on Pictures of June by wilco
3 Feb 2005, 12:20 PM
Having trouble following this. Postulates are not proven, maybe that's the point. I like the first line.
on Pictures of June by wilco
3 Feb 2005, 4:07 PM
Well, I'm still not gittin' past the first line. Punctuation and capitalization more user-friendly might help, what with line 2 not really bein' a sentence an' all. An' ah never seen a brainwave collapse on no film. Guess I'm kina simple that way.
on love's jealousy by singinkygal
4 Feb 2005, 12:57 PM
A few too many words. Try scratching - love's, fills (make it fill or scratch fills my body) hatred springs to life, evil, again unreservedly, devastation.
on DUI Violation by amateurR
4 Feb 2005, 4:47 PM
Good. Try omitting "Driving along fast" and "my" in the line above.
on some deleted poem
4 Feb 2005, 4:48 PM
Good rhythm and a nice ending.
on Thanks (Dovina) by jroday
6 Feb 2005, 9:09 PM
The first verse of this poem is the most tender and nicely worded sentiment I have read in a long time. Some people on this site will say Iâm just swooning to a line. Let them talk, because I believe you. Iâll give them their only satisfaction by saying that the second verse is a bit cliché, but it too is something I believe you mean. The third verse matches the first in warmth and tenderness, and the line, âeven when you donât understandâ is perfect.
Thank you jroday, youâve been through a lot and come through strong.
Thank you jroday, youâve been through a lot and come through strong.
on some deleted poem
6 Feb 2005, 9:13 PM
Isn't it a bit arogant to say that's your only flaw? I assume you're exaggerating purposely. But because I don't know, only a 6.