replying on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac
25 Oct 2005, 7:13 AM
Please retract that! The planet cannot handle such evolutionary goals.
Yes I will say “But that’s the whole point.” See my comment to Alchemy. If you say “Exactly,” you are simply disagreeing with the Christian position that “To die is gain.” It’s alright to disagree, but please try to understand this dying woman’s position.
I did write in MS Word, but I wanted the capitals as a kind of Biblical parallel.
"But the opposite is true" refers to the line directly above it. You say BOO because it seems contradictory. But for a Christian, a dying body is good because it brings her nearer to her God. “To be absent from the body is to be present with God.”
"But the opposite is true" refers to the line directly above it. You say BOO because it seems contradictory. But for a Christian, a dying body is good because it brings her nearer to her God. “To be absent from the body is to be present with God.”
on Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco
24 Oct 2005, 8:09 PM
Some good lines here, but as a song, and even as a poem, I think it needs a more direct approach, the form of a balad, where the story builds and the rhythm carries it.
The last half kills it for you either because you find it bad writing or because you do not accept what it says, or both. Much of my writing is trying to express what other people think. While my own beliefs and thoughts inevitably seep in, this one is what I think she really wanted to say. Admittedly, the first half is light hearted and half joking, while the second half is Christian belief. You probably like the joking part and object to the belief.
on fox and hounds by nentwined
24 Oct 2005, 1:04 PM
Uncanny, the similarities with "Eclipse" But you have a baboon.
replying on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac
24 Oct 2005, 12:48 PM
I shall never become "fixed" or taught, save for taut tied tubes perhaps to save the planet.
replying on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac
24 Oct 2005, 12:45 PM
Well that's perfectly clear. A pair of rogue homebodies snuggled up in Muslim Alaska. Or so my magic wand would have it. Happy Ramadan.
replying on Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina
23 Oct 2005, 6:55 AM
yeah, ok.
replying on Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina
23 Oct 2005, 6:54 AM
A good looking man with a bad heart will prefer farsighted women. Not saying you are he, but as a metaphor, it could work that way.
on A LOVER’S TORMENT by anushree
22 Oct 2005, 11:22 AM
amost of the rhymes seem forced. Still it's a good sentiment.
on LIFELINE by outofdarkness138
22 Oct 2005, 11:20 AM
When a dying person realizes the futility and knows the person he's crying out to wants to help but there's nothing she can do, then you are near the end. Well said, if that's what you mean.
Leave out "thee" though.
Leave out "thee" though.
on A SURREAL DEPREDATION! by anushree
22 Oct 2005, 11:14 AM
The ...... is only distracting. Typo in line 6. Some good lines here, but what are you saying?
replying on Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina
22 Oct 2005, 11:00 AM
A match for me? A nearsighted man? Sold!
replying on Slim and Pretty, Or Not by Dovina
22 Oct 2005, 10:58 AM
A severely nearsighted man will not even notice if I am fat (which I am not), he will see only my eyes and anything else he gets close to. But I meant it more metaphorically, as seeing my character.
I admit it's like a string of maxims, and a bit didactic. Do you see a market in the keychain business?
I admit it's like a string of maxims, and a bit didactic. Do you see a market in the keychain business?
on The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>
21 Oct 2005, 11:22 AM
"phantoms of future turn wooden on the lathe of fact." !!!
fall to the floor as ash - maybe leave out fall.