on A World At War by Damien
8 Jul 2005, 10:30 AM
Too many words, and not carefully chosen. "safely wallowing in safety" for example.
replying on Almost Persuaded by Dovina
8 Jul 2005, 10:27 AM
Then what do you think it's about, if not sex?
on Lover by Dental Panic
8 Jul 2005, 10:26 AM
Why continue in verse 3 with the bus? It seems to cloud a good start. And the break between verses 1 and 2 seems wrong.
on Pandemic’s Here Again by Lenore
8 Jul 2005, 10:17 AM
If you refer to the London attacks, there's no need to tell the world; they know. If you mean that the world reacts too slowly, then I say we react fast enough, just with impotence.
replying on Almost Persuaded by Dovina
8 Jul 2005, 10:12 AM
Do you infer sexual desire even in this? Is everything you read a symbol of physical placement within some canal – birth or excretion? I’m not angry. It’s just pathetically humorous.
on Autumn by keatsImnot
7 Jul 2005, 2:42 PM
I'd like to see more than just a description of autumn.
on London Calling by Bluemonkey
7 Jul 2005, 2:40 PM
Good except for "twisted game of evolution."
on Precious Smile by TLRufener
7 Jul 2005, 2:36 PM
Should end with "Lock up everything that is real" A lot of repeated ideas, but the theme is good.
replying on Born and Fed by Dovina
7 Jul 2005, 1:19 PM
Nothing I can see makes a calf run and jump right after he’s born and fed, other than fun. Maybe he has some other concern, but it’s not evident. When you say, “The thing that concerns me is having fun,” how is that different?
replying on Born and Fed by Dovina
7 Jul 2005, 1:18 PM
I presume you mean the meter is wrong. Surely, finding a tit is top priority for the calf.
on I Need Not be Told by Chelsio
5 Jul 2005, 2:08 PM
Such a common theme in young writers, so common that to do it well in a poem may me impossible. At the least it would take a fresh approach, which this is not.
on The Bastardization of Hypocrisy by Bluemonkey
5 Jul 2005, 1:36 PM
Wasn't hypocracy always a bastard kind of thing?
on The And women by INTRANSIT
5 Jul 2005, 1:34 PM
I'm not getting what the last 4 lines have to do with it.
We always bless the annuals that send the gardeners transplanting.
We always bless the annuals that send the gardeners transplanting.
replying on Mother Earth by TLRufener
5 Jul 2005, 1:26 PM
So, what's new or differently expressed? That's well known.
replying on The taste of something new. by darby pyn
5 Jul 2005, 1:24 PM
When you say you are transparent as vanity, it could imply that you are vain, or it could mean that you are transparent, but not necessarily vain. The last line seems to say you are vain, as in having other women.
replying on Born and Fed by Dovina
5 Jul 2005, 8:37 AM
Who is G/W?
on Mother Earth by TLRufener
5 Jul 2005, 8:23 AM
I don't see any point to this beyond a description.
on pop by Dental Panic
5 Jul 2005, 8:20 AM
I really don't care what is pop and what is not, but I like the way you've made an issue of it.