on I walk with no road by kawakurdi
1 Jan 2005, 1:35 PM
This could be said with 1/3 as many words and twice the impact.
replying on Math Poem 3 by Dovina
1 Jan 2005, 1:28 PM
Give them extra credit for singing under water, or cleaning the blackboard with their tongues, or keeping their fingernails clean, but please, never for writing poetry.
on Below Tide by D. $ Fontera
31 Dec 2004, 9:15 AM
Verse 2 is especially nice. It can happen anywhere.
on Separation by MacFrantic
31 Dec 2004, 8:56 AM
A comma after remonstrate would relieve some ambiguity. And conventional spacing would help. It's quite good, really, just hard to wade through at first.
replying on Math Poem 2 by Dovina
31 Dec 2004, 8:35 AM
Please return later today for the exciting continuation of math poems. Number 3 will astound you! Happy New Year!
on willitwork by FreeFormFixation
31 Dec 2004, 8:32 AM
The first half implies some trick of writing you are planning, but I don't see it coming through.
Quotes around the second half imply a note you left for her to find as if by accident. But the line about a charade doesn't work if that's true.
Quotes around the second half imply a note you left for her to find as if by accident. But the line about a charade doesn't work if that's true.
replying on Math Poem 2 by Dovina
30 Dec 2004, 8:09 PM
Wow, that's inspiring! I'm pressing on for cutest of the more cuter!
replying on A Better God by Dovina
30 Dec 2004, 12:22 PM
Thanks, I'm still getting it set up - transportation problems and all.
on Echo On The Rocks by PsydewaysTears
30 Dec 2004, 12:05 PM
Comes the picky Dovina, like a bluejay to eat the ladybugs, and ask what all this means. Or rather to say again that I think the thing should give enough clues that I wouldn't have to ask. Okay, she cried, you left, and you feel okay with ending the codependence.
on 60,000 tsunami by Acid_moose
30 Dec 2004, 11:56 AM
They call it an Act of God, as if He consciously did something. You're right, we are nothing.
on My Beliefs by jroday
30 Dec 2004, 11:52 AM
My father taught me "there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem." He didn't write poems, but he knew how to till and how to paint. His oil on canvas shows the pain and joy that comes from a row straightly furrowed. I hope that as you recover, yours will depict aspects of a dilemma and its resolution that few of the rest of us can even imagine.
This could be called a "Prose Poem." There's a new category here for them. It's a form that allows you to develop ideas like these more fully than you've done here. The ideas and beliefs are good, and could use more rigorous preparation.
Why not call it Arostic?
We call such events "Acts of God" realizing that if a similar quake shook the ocean just 100 miles off the California coast as it did off the Asian coast, that we would have had about five minutes warning, and as many of us probably would have died.
Pleasant dreams, and respectful prayers.
replying on Distance by Lifeboatman
29 Dec 2004, 7:30 PM
It's vague because of "nostalgia alumni" which maybe should be "nostalgic alumni." And because of "prophecy non-existent else minimal" which maybe should be "unfulfilled prophesy."