replying on My Wife by Dovina
29 Dec 2004, 7:15 PM
Thanks.
I'm surprised you didn't get more comments and votes. The only detraction I see is the grave of fear in the mind. Grave implies death of fear, but the rest of the poem talks of a fight with it and then again at the end, putting it in the grave. But fear is never completely dead. A good poem overall.
on Jealous over a maybe by thepinkbunnyofdoom
29 Dec 2004, 11:12 AM
Lost her eh? Too smooth and stylish maybe. Couldn't prove it by the way you spelled smooth, what's and you're.
replying on Distance by Lifeboatman
29 Dec 2004, 10:38 AM
Yes, Verse 2 especially escapes me.
replying on Math Poem 2 by Dovina
29 Dec 2004, 10:29 AM
I would like to see that poem.
on Christmas Break by Plaidypus
28 Dec 2004, 6:01 PM
What does the last part of the poem, good as it is, have to do with the first verse?
on My brainâs dialogue by kawakurdi
28 Dec 2004, 5:57 PM
Do you think the orgasnic matter in your head is you, or are you a being separate from that matter? Something more lasting?
replying on Betwixt and In Between by dougsoderstrom
28 Dec 2004, 3:00 PM
I like the Taoist idea of becoming like water in a brook that flows conformingly around the rocks in its path, sculpting them slowly, almost imperceptively over a long time.
on Distance by Lifeboatman
28 Dec 2004, 2:37 PM
Too vague
on Acrostic Terza Rima by Bhaskaryya
27 Dec 2004, 2:47 PM
Not a bad love poem for an acrostic, hard to do and have it say anything.
on Oh well, shit happens by sir_heff
27 Dec 2004, 2:40 PM
You still like "un-bias"????
It's worth more than 0, but give up on becoming her god of gods. I wouldn't wish that on any man.
It's worth more than 0, but give up on becoming her god of gods. I wouldn't wish that on any man.
on Transition by Miggy
27 Dec 2004, 2:37 PM
Better grammar would help I think, even for a song. This is not simply a matter of an old prude telling a young songwriter about grammatical orderliness, it is a matter of clarity.
The use of logic does not forbid the use of emotion or romantics. I never said it does. Romanticism and logic fit nicely together in many poems. But many other poems lack logic in their romanticism, and they too can be good poems. My I cite a favorite of mine by our departed Shuushin:
Holding On by Shuushin
She would act too eager to please,
prone to furtive backward glances
as we were never quite at ease.
Secretive on past romances;
something unsettled in her past,
prone to furtive backward glances.
I asked her once what spell was cast,
lost deep in thought she closed wet eyes;
something unsettled in her past.
âI hopeâ said she âyou realize
how difficult this is for meâ -
lost deep in thought she closed wet eyes.
She clasped her hands as if in plea
then simply looked away again -
how difficult this is for me.
And so, up to the very end
she would act too eager to please;
her heart had never time to mend
as we were never quite at ease.
The use of logic does not forbid the use of emotion or romantics. I never said it does. Romanticism and logic fit nicely together in many poems. But many other poems lack logic in their romanticism, and they too can be good poems. My I cite a favorite of mine by our departed Shuushin:
Holding On by Shuushin
She would act too eager to please,
prone to furtive backward glances
as we were never quite at ease.
Secretive on past romances;
something unsettled in her past,
prone to furtive backward glances.
I asked her once what spell was cast,
lost deep in thought she closed wet eyes;
something unsettled in her past.
âI hopeâ said she âyou realize
how difficult this is for meâ -
lost deep in thought she closed wet eyes.
She clasped her hands as if in plea
then simply looked away again -
how difficult this is for me.
And so, up to the very end
she would act too eager to please;
her heart had never time to mend
as we were never quite at ease.
replying on AL-NAAFIYSH by blacksoul
25 Dec 2004, 11:31 AM
I'm glad I asked instead of going off on some tangent of plagiarism as you saw happen on your other poem.
None of us can know death, except those who claim to have returned. If your father anticipates it, may he do so without fear. Merry Christmas.
on AL-NAAFIYSH by blacksoul
25 Dec 2004, 10:56 AM
In putting a familiar saying with the name AL-NAAFIYSH, are you commenting on his life or his art? I don't know enough about him to say.
I could comment on the saying, but you're getting at something here that I don't understand.
I could comment on the saying, but you're getting at something here that I don't understand.