on Mind's Eye by Sean Allen
8 Nov 2004, 7:55 PM
I think you could make this into a better poem by forgetting that someone told you villanelles are cool.
on Dark Everlasting by Sean Allen
8 Nov 2004, 7:51 PM
This is pretty good. I hope the last line is not about suicide, because if it is, then I take it back. The first verse is good. The last line of the second verse seems not to follow the theme. "and regret"??? "You can't see me so you forget." - why?
replying on keep on digging by nentwined
8 Nov 2004, 7:21 PM
A list of diggables aint all that bad,
of hells and edens, gold and rust,
of brimstone hot and water cold.
And when I've dug my last dark pit
and crawled inside a padded box,
You can carve on stone,
"She tried real hard
to dig out of all the stupid
words she wrote."
of hells and edens, gold and rust,
of brimstone hot and water cold.
And when I've dug my last dark pit
and crawled inside a padded box,
You can carve on stone,
"She tried real hard
to dig out of all the stupid
words she wrote."
replying on A Better God by Dovina
8 Nov 2004, 2:33 PM
If God is perfect, you cannot trump. I thought that was the topic.
on Just Shut Up! Everyone Just Shut Up! by MacFrantic
8 Nov 2004, 2:24 PM
Good, except for the diatribe title and first line. It's better to remain subtle.
on keep on digging by nentwined
8 Nov 2004, 2:21 PM
Gold is down there too, and a host of unseen and unseeable magnets. Digging can mean all these things and more. It seems like a listing of diggables.
replying on Beyond Love by Dovina
8 Nov 2004, 2:19 PM
I give you a poem; you ask for a book; I give you a book, you ask for a life. Been there.
replying on Beyond Love by Dovina
8 Nov 2004, 11:43 AM
Thank you so much for the help.
New last line: âRaise old memories and young hopes, holding a clue to the hidden flaw and natureâs answer in codes like 07, 09, 16, 31, 41 46.â
New last line: âRaise old memories and young hopes, holding a clue to the hidden flaw and natureâs answer in codes like 07, 09, 16, 31, 41 46.â
on The huntsman's shame by Stephen Robins
8 Nov 2004, 10:32 AM
And with this statement, England declared war on Los Angeles today, asserting itself as the most lewd.
on Caducus (destined to fall) by Caducus
8 Nov 2004, 10:12 AM
The first verse is great, except for heavenly mirth. It's all pretty good.
replying on Beyond Love by Dovina
8 Nov 2004, 10:04 AM
Perhaps "blip" is too strong. If I had a Thesaurus, I might look for a similar, but less hopeful word. I understand youâve developed a knack for this and might be able to help.
replying on Beyond Love by Dovina
8 Nov 2004, 9:53 AM
No, not at the moment, but thank you for asking.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
8 Nov 2004, 9:51 AM
Aren't we kicking around the same idea?
replying on Fair Dianne by Dovina
8 Nov 2004, 9:47 AM
It's so nice to be loved for my nature, and it happens so very often here on Poemranker that I tend to become inconsiderate. But please Mr. Z, you're a married man.
replying on A Better God by Dovina
7 Nov 2004, 9:47 AM
The narrator clearly does not think God is perfect. The poem is a complaint against God, or to God if He reads Poemranker. Any prayer for Godâs action assumes He is influenced by the human request, and therefore imperfect. Otherwise, He would not want prayer, would act without it, and would not ask for it. Maybe He enjoys our fussing about such stuff.
replying on Fair Dianne by Dovina
7 Nov 2004, 9:33 AM
Dumb doggie. Guess it's in his nature.
replying on Grandma's Prayer/Lord Reply by jroday
6 Nov 2004, 9:06 AM
No, jroday quoted it right. Would you like the reference?
on Geometry for Dyslexics by zodiac
6 Nov 2004, 7:00 AM
Gobbeldygoop.