Having several poems going on in your head concurrently is something I relate to. Unlike some of the posters here, you and I put up our current fantasies, not even waiting for the present drunk to turn to sobriety, it seems. I understand your scheming in wanting to post two in one throw. But I must assert that even I have not gone that far. If the first part of this is really another poem, then propriety demands removing it for later dispatch, and slapping your right hand with your left for conjuring such a scheme. At least that’s my take on it.

As for wordiness in the midsection, the verses beginning “even before” And “even when” seem parenthetic – can these be yet another encased poem? It really starts with “wolves cry out”, doesn’t it? And how is subjugation much different from capture?

“you can still admit you'd give anything to have that feeling back” is really “you liked the feeling” isn’t it? And “For all my youth I grew in a house where the old world was freshly conquered” is “in youth, the old world was conquered.” Stuff like that.

Overall I like it.

Yes, I fully understand your desire not to talk to females anymore. We are so emotional and unreasonable all the time! Why, if you should try a little kidding on a woman, she's never a good sport about it, but always takes it in some sensitive way you never intended.

Chummy guy talk is in violation of Poemranker Rule No. 789576895867

I like it, and I like grammar. Have at it.

Yes, I think there are parts of the world still in the Middle Ages. Maybe they still consider women possessions, not quite human, of value as cows and horses are. I think these woman would have fewer children if they could decide on the issue, and the world would be a better place. What do you think of the estimate of 9 billion people by the yeat 2050?

Was Paris any better?

It is I who am dim, it seems. I meant "undo." Thanks for nagging. Maybe I've caught dyslexia from Alchemy. Where is that dude anyway? Wow, I just noticed that "curios" should be "curious." (Knocks self on head)

Thanks for taking the time.

My purpose here is to write without sensory image, lacking thematic metaphor, and devoid of biting polemic or clever play of sound. My purpose, therefore, is to bore you. Having been duly bored and insulted, would you kindly go back and see if these lines make any sense.

If a person is angry at pretense, then perhaps that anger will undue it, off-rhythm or not. I get excited with unusual takes on devotional themes – a difference between us, I guess.