replying on A Country Anecdote by Dovina
1 Apr 2006, 12:43 PM
I put up what I think is more than half-assed. "Nice ass"? Whatever.
replying on A Country Anecdote by Dovina
1 Apr 2006, 12:22 PM
Thanks. Any other comment?
replying on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy
1 Apr 2006, 11:03 AM
Redneck: a person whose neck is red in the back from sunburn - not from Texas where everyone wears broad-rimmed hats, nor from the South, where it’s always too nasty to go outside. No, rednecks live only in Southern California and are restricted to bicycle-riders, who always lean forward on the handlebars. – Dovina’s Dictionary
on The Unforgiven II by alvinb
31 Mar 2006, 6:39 PM
I don't know if you copied this or not. It would be easy to find out. It's even easier to find out that you voted yourself a 10.
on Old Friend by drnick
31 Mar 2006, 5:15 PM
I like the first two verses.
But verse three says that even in post-graduate fashion, your mind cannot fathom how you let him/her go, as if post-graduateness affects your ability to fathom such things.
In verse three, "our memories" implies that her/his memories are available for you to evaluate as unending as the wind.
But these are minor nits. Overall good.
But verse three says that even in post-graduate fashion, your mind cannot fathom how you let him/her go, as if post-graduateness affects your ability to fathom such things.
In verse three, "our memories" implies that her/his memories are available for you to evaluate as unending as the wind.
But these are minor nits. Overall good.
replying on A Country Anecdote by Dovina
31 Mar 2006, 11:15 AM
You asked if I lived in Tennessee, and your question inspired thinking along those lines. I enjoy responding more than I enjoy initiating, so thanks for the inspiration. That’s what draws me back to poemranker, even after the prolific guff I’ve gotten here. Speaking of which, you aren’t going to let the wife of god win, are you? I could bounce something back into your court: “Don't forget Dovina and Zodiac's bickering. If watching those to drive each other nuts doesn't make life worthwhile then I don't know what does.”
replying on Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina
30 Mar 2006, 7:25 PM
I know the categorical “you”’s are many. They really mean “I” as you know. But saying “I” all the time would have given the poem a personal character that I didn’t entirely want. Using “you” projects my feelings about divorcing Tennessee onto the audience, as if the same feelings might come to them if they had had this experience. You could call that approach didactic, I suppose. But I think it can work well. Not saying I totally succeeded. Thanks for the comment.
on Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha
30 Mar 2006, 6:48 PM
So, is this an attempt to change yourself, or do you really prefer books to men?
on Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta
30 Mar 2006, 2:03 PM
I think "Waking Hours" would make a better title than a first line.
Comma after "aimlessly"
Comma after "me"
Period after "more"
Comma after "go"
Comma after "aimlessly"
Comma after "me"
Period after "more"
Comma after "go"
replying on Time Thief by Dovina
30 Mar 2006, 1:51 PM
Read "Divorcing Tennessee" to find out what it was like moving from there to California. I have another poem about that traumatic time ready to post, but must wait the obligatory five hours.
replying on Time Thief by Dovina
30 Mar 2006, 12:27 PM
If you mean Southern California, then southern I am. And coffee is in my blood.
on Clothed by D. $ Fontera
30 Mar 2006, 11:43 AM
Sorry, I don't get it.
on Quiet Hands by Sunny
30 Mar 2006, 11:41 AM
While I see what's going on, the details seem too vague for such trauma. And the ending seems like the wail should come before the attempt, that is if the baby dies of choking. But again, that is uncertain.
replying on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina
30 Mar 2006, 11:17 AM
I see what you mean, and I know that this does not have to be the end of the story. I could write another verse about admitting defeat, giving up, and finally being rescued.
replying on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina
30 Mar 2006, 11:16 AM
That’s good and bad to hear from someone whose poems I seldom understand. But, on occasion, a glimmer. Thanks.
replying on Time Thief by Dovina
30 Mar 2006, 11:08 AM
The cartoon diversion is no more than a fun way to show how much more we can do if we stop hurrying. You’re right, it doesn’t belong there.
I was inspired to write this admittedly didactic aphorism to counter slogans like Poor Richard’s, “Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure.” It seems to me that most such proverbs are too simplistic to be of much value. Thanks for raising your vote and for the comments.
I was inspired to write this admittedly didactic aphorism to counter slogans like Poor Richard’s, “Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure.” It seems to me that most such proverbs are too simplistic to be of much value. Thanks for raising your vote and for the comments.
replying on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy
29 Mar 2006, 3:21 PM
The problem with tweaking the ending is that I would not have known the sun is the child, or that the moon is you, without your explanation. Therefore, I would not have known anything about the child, whether she was happy, sad, smiling, except for what the last line says. From tht unknowing position, it could go either way.