Free verse № 141663
A Country Anecdote
I have a man who wakes with me.
His face is strong and sure.
His work is hard, and so his limbs.
At night, he makes me purr.
We strolled one day in snowy wood,
Our quiet home not quite in view,
Its curl of smoke and dormered roof,
Watched us talk, as we often do.
My thoughts began on all weâd doneâ
Left California on a dream, a whim,
Built house and farm in Tennessee.
Now all complete, weâre settled in.
Some fond regrets I entertained,
Of city glitz, rewarding work.
With happiness and pride to spare,
I could not feel a hurt.
Green hills peered down on moving dots.
Cow tracks meandered toward the spring,
Out of sunshine, into shade, and as our feet,
Returned to where the grass begins.
A rabbit darted down a hole,
And with it, every trace of sadness.
This farm and man, I thought sincerely,
Must be heavenâs betterâgladness.
âNow tell me, would you rather be,â
I said, and took him by the arm,
âIn Californiaâs office scene,
Or here with me upon on this farm?â
With careless eyes he looked at me,
While still I held his lumpy arm,
And said, âIn California Iâd rather be,â
Then turned and led me on.
âNow youâre kidding, I know you are,â
And tugged his arm to make him pay.
But as he trudged past hickory, oak,
Said, âDo you remember Sally Faye?â
âOf course I do, she came to visit,
That boyfriend with her too.â
Then he looked at me and said,
âRemember the trip I made in June?â
Then my man his tongue unlocked,
And eased his mind with each reply.
The farm turned gray, the house fell down,
And all I said was, âWhy?â
For better lore I seldom yearn,
And think of him in little pains.
Without his lesson here today,
Iâd moan of toothache in the rain.
15 comments
(ass essment) without even seeing it. And it was not you whom I was asking for more comments on my poem, since you've already commented. I'm happy for the nice votes, but was fishing for more participation.
I guess your just not used to people being so moved by your poetry that they can't think of anything better to say than "Beautiful". Get used to it. It's a good thing.
Also - 'lumpy arm' didn't go down well, not at all graceful. I guess maybe he wasn't graceful, but if you were in love I'm sure you could have found something more flattering.
Other than that, great! It feels rather like a neo-folk song.
His âlumpy armâ was muscular from hard work. I never thought of it as ungraceful, but I see how you could read it as such.
Thanks for your comments. They give me another perspective on a story that can easily become ingrown and uncommunicative if held inside.
line 19 seems a tad too long, had to read it a few times and stick the "our feet" on the next line. i know it is an unnatural break in th line, but line 20 is a little short too, so i guess it helps. other than reworking both lines....
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