on Same old rancour (a yellow stream of consciousness) by ecargo
13 Jan 2007, 2:57 PM
yes, rockmage is winning. glad you're above it all -9-
on How To Ride a Bicycle by Dovina
7 Aug 2006, 6:35 PM
this is wonderful
on Waves (2) by Rilke4ClosetLesbians
26 Apr 2006, 5:14 PM
cool
on Swans by Alizarin_Crimson
26 Apr 2006, 5:13 PM
enough 'more's? less is more
on Background Noise by Plaidypus
26 Apr 2006, 5:11 PM
the shift from I to he doesn't work for me
on Euclidian Insanity by tryplsyted
26 Apr 2006, 5:10 PM
wouldn't insanity be a non-euclidean space. (sorry to be Riemann you out like this) *9
on hiding demon by pollywolly
26 Apr 2006, 5:08 PM
a typo in line 3 -'too' the repetition of 'hides' is a bit heavyhanded
on Goldmunds Slut Fiasco v.2 [Revised] by Y2kSlamPoet
26 Apr 2006, 5:07 PM
you are disgusting. *9
on First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay by Dovina
26 Apr 2006, 5:04 PM
aren't most waves formed relatively near the shore? but I'm no oceanographer. *8
on The Way of Monsters by MacFrantic
21 Apr 2006, 4:51 AM
'concupiscent'?
ack,
Latinate words are never evocative, stultifying instead. throws water on your fire . same for installing, concerning, intention etc
ack,
Latinate words are never evocative, stultifying instead. throws water on your fire . same for installing, concerning, intention etc
on The Obelisk by MacFrantic
1 Apr 2006, 10:59 PM
love how the last line collapses
on The Healing Species by Dovina
7 Jan 2006, 7:53 AM
love it
replying on I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp
1 Sep 2005, 11:44 AM
actually, I'd keep the last 'i can' too
replying on I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp
1 Sep 2005, 11:42 AM
delete entirely, except for the first 'i can'. makes it more vivid, action-oriented as opposed to possibility. some syllables may need to be tweaked to optimize rhythm of course
on I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp
1 Sep 2005, 10:29 AM
very funny.
are all those 'i cans' really necessary?
-
are all those 'i cans' really necessary?
-
on Mystical Chinese Dragon by that_funny_girl
24 Aug 2005, 6:20 AM
love the beginning. but goes from charming to pretentious right around 'erudite'