on some deleted poem
13 May 2002, 10:26 PM
I see you have meaning but it's not implicit in all your words. Only keep the necessary. Also, a think this poem would be improved by a more definite rhyme scheme.
on Ice Cream Truck by swift_enterprises
12 May 2002, 11:03 AM
Whoever gave this a 9 is a poetic invalid.
on some deleted poem
12 May 2002, 11:12 AM
Dark_Angel usually your poetry sucks dick, but this one got a laugh so... 6.
on S by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
12 May 2002, 1:22 PM
This is fucking genius! References to math, intellectualism, athletics, competition, struggle with implicit emotion, agression, and blow jobs (fucking face) all rolled into a simple Haiku! I bow in your wake.
on some deleted poem
13 May 2002, 12:13 AM
Stupid and redundent.
on rock me to sleep tonight: by Sapphire
13 May 2002, 12:14 AM
Sapphire good poetry isn't only composed of words that sound good. It also has a little thing called meaning.
on some deleted poem
13 May 2002, 12:15 AM
Not bad. =]
Not good either. =[
Not good either. =[
on geometry by skaskowski
13 May 2002, 12:16 AM
I like your meaning and parts of your imagery, but it could be made even more powerful. Extend the baby/killer dichotomy and tell me how that relates to innocence. Not bad though. =]
on Colloid by skaskowski
13 May 2002, 12:21 AM
Every word should have meaning to the integrity of the poem.
"As it rains outside
The drops are like tiny fragments of water
Falling like objects that are dropped..."
Telling me in a banal way what rain is isn't going to get you high marks. Remember to cut out everything that isn't needed, and say what is needed in the most beautiful way possible (that includes the obscene only when called for).
"As it rains outside
The drops are like tiny fragments of water
Falling like objects that are dropped..."
Telling me in a banal way what rain is isn't going to get you high marks. Remember to cut out everything that isn't needed, and say what is needed in the most beautiful way possible (that includes the obscene only when called for).
on Nyctophobia by crims0ngh0st
13 May 2002, 12:22 AM
This is really rough. Polish it. Eliminate what you don't need and sanctify that which you do.
on Tom and Jerry by WarrenGDawg
11 May 2002, 11:11 PM
After returning from the Ann Arbor art museum I'd thought I'd seen some of the best my community had to offer - until I saw this. WarrenGDawg, you are the most gifted and eloquent, most subtle but effective, most adroit and multi-platformed author I've seen since Poe. Keep up the good work. I look forward to seeing what you produce in the future.
on some deleted poem
10 May 2002, 5:09 AM
You have an interesting topic, but it would be more engaging if you wrapped your complaints in skill. Your simple rhymes and poor structure do little to make me sympathize with the narrator's ineptitude; in fact, I feel distanced as if I were being approached by a senile beggar wallowing in life's ruins (or perhaps just his own).
Not bad but not good. Ask yourself where you're going when you write. I understand your metaphysical inquiry into security and the savage, but it would make more sense if you framed the poem within a broader context - perhaps the human psyche. Make it anagogical. Tell me something.
on some deleted poem
10 May 2002, 5:06 AM
Nice job. I enjoyed your modulation of structure and syntax especially.