replying on Decoys and Disguises behind large-areas of smoke screens by Beyond_Dreams
24 Jul 2005, 1:04 PM
funny, I instantly thought of Full Metal Jacket. and that movie with the guy with spray-painted feet. N0__ wait, that's not in a movie,it's a guy that sleeps in front of PaintMart spending all day huffing, but he's gone quite mad and thinks his nose is in his feet.
on A thank you note(Not a poem at all) by thepinkbunnyofdoom
24 Jul 2005, 12:58 PM
What is hilarious is how you think his actions have to do with YOU.
You are not very good at poetry no matter what you think. I've never liked anything you've written. But what does it matter? you wouldn't like my poetry either.
this too, is a bad poem.
You are not very good at poetry no matter what you think. I've never liked anything you've written. But what does it matter? you wouldn't like my poetry either.
this too, is a bad poem.
I read this once and hated it. I read it a second time and hated it. I just now read it again while listening to a song called Pathogenic Occular Dissonance and now feel like dying.
two lines you should keep: "I stole my father's eyes to see" and "These are sad eyes I stare through"
junk the rest and say something understandable.
two lines you should keep: "I stole my father's eyes to see" and "These are sad eyes I stare through"
junk the rest and say something understandable.
replying on The sunset sea. by darby pyn
23 Jul 2005, 6:57 PM
it's word choices like fallible remorse that are your weakness.
I chose those two words, but there are many more that you just seem to put together without any real thought as to what it will do to your poetry. it just seems like you are in love with a vocabulary that is just out of your reach. I understand some of this poem. By that i mean some images come to mind, but why in the name of Gary do you not try to simplify, pare down, and beat some meter into your work. You really and truly could do this better with half the words.
I read my own poetry. I know it's not very good. So, take what i say any way you'd like. BUT all your work is the same; too wordy by far. It's just not necessary.
you are only cannibalized by insatiably hungry demons if you ARE a demon.
are you a demon?
cuz it would all make sense to me if you were.
I chose those two words, but there are many more that you just seem to put together without any real thought as to what it will do to your poetry. it just seems like you are in love with a vocabulary that is just out of your reach. I understand some of this poem. By that i mean some images come to mind, but why in the name of Gary do you not try to simplify, pare down, and beat some meter into your work. You really and truly could do this better with half the words.
I read my own poetry. I know it's not very good. So, take what i say any way you'd like. BUT all your work is the same; too wordy by far. It's just not necessary.
you are only cannibalized by insatiably hungry demons if you ARE a demon.
are you a demon?
cuz it would all make sense to me if you were.
on she sits back and judges me by hendrimike
20 Jul 2005, 12:38 PM
f me for reading this.
replying on the smallest box will do by elderking
19 Jul 2005, 2:13 AM
Jade
on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina
19 Jul 2005, 2:07 AM
Jimmy Buffet said it better.
"Wasting away again in Margaritaville..."
"Wasting away again in Margaritaville..."
on The sunset sea. by darby pyn
19 Jul 2005, 2:05 AM
Oh my Fucking Howdy! Man...this just plain tires me out. I'm not voting on this.
on Birth, school, work and death. by darby pyn
13 Jul 2005, 12:04 PM
you left out the line "I've got shmelgass in my gonectagazoink."
on There she is! by CarterTribe
12 Jul 2005, 12:13 PM
this was long. I stopped reading it twice. Forced myself to finish. I wasn't surprised at the end.
replying on A World At War by Damien
12 Jul 2005, 12:03 PM
you have to read it like a bad Eminem rap to feel it.
on When my place is placeless by Prince of Void
9 Jul 2005, 11:30 PM
meh.
on Slice Open My Body by TLRufener
9 Jul 2005, 11:25 PM
I would change the first two lines a little.
I'd write something like
"I'd tell you to slice open my body
and tear out my heart,
but you already have."
I'd write something like
"I'd tell you to slice open my body
and tear out my heart,
but you already have."
on Autumn by keatsImnot
7 Jul 2005, 2:33 PM
Autumn by definition is a time.
on London Calling by Bluemonkey
7 Jul 2005, 2:31 PM
ok
on Our Soldiers by Lenore
7 Jul 2005, 1:56 AM
their life's the war's.
their life "is" the War's life? is that what it means?
their life "is" the War's life? is that what it means?
replying on Spontaneous Combustion by wilco
6 Jul 2005, 1:35 AM
he didn't give you a zero. maybe he's been filled the spiritual antithesis of true hippydom----- honesty.
on Close to my Heart by Chelsio
6 Jul 2005, 1:26 AM
I would like to encourage you to keep writing poems.