on comment-ary by nentwined
11 Jul 2005, 9:07 AM
hmmm...would like to peer in and see the rest...be a fly on the wall of your mind, go around the corner and watch from the shadows. And I am not usually much of a voyuer...voyeur...voyeuor...*shoot! (However you spell it!)..or am I? Are we all? Here peering into the minds, souls, and thoughts, that are annonomously (?!SP!) bared to the public for view...
on my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined
11 Jul 2005, 9:10 AM
LMAO...funny little piece...needs some cleaning up though...May I offer you a napkin? A period here or there, a capital here and there...but a fun read.
on some deleted poem
11 Jul 2005, 9:14 AM
You contraindict yourself here...you say it wasn't meant to last, then act as if there are broken hearts...which is it? "keep on keeping on" is so cliche', maybe change it to> I wasn't wrong...something along that line...I don't know...I probably wouldn't bother re-editing this...it would hit the trash, if it was mine...but then again, it isn't...so do what you will with it.
on appropriation by nentwined
11 Jul 2005, 9:17 AM
Truly...what do we have that is really our own? Do we not all feast upon tidbits and morseld, ingest it all, until it all mingles and becomes part of who we are...and then purge ourselves of it all upon the page?
gave it a 9.
gave it a 9.
on A Moment in Time by nentwined
11 Jul 2005, 9:23 AM
Some might say it's alittle on the gushy side...but I like it! Kinda hypnotic...and that fits the piece...plus...a kindred spirit I find, writing those words. Dominant minds...hmm...responsibility comes with it. Lover's kiss of rain...beautifully erotic and rather sensual piece in an intellectual way....yes...I like it. 9 again.
on Lonely Tears by broken_wing11
11 Jul 2005, 9:25 AM
sigh...parts are good, and with some cleaning up maybe this could be something better...the last four lines were the worst.
on some deleted poem
11 Jul 2005, 9:29 AM
one thing I see throughout your stuff...I wish you would keep to one subject...one thought...we don't need you to solve the situation by the ending. "Knowing that the pain won't subside/no longer living my life with negativity" Which is this song about...pick one!
I liked>"Drowning in the water that I canât tread
Drowning in the tears held up in my head"
I liked>"Drowning in the water that I canât tread
Drowning in the tears held up in my head"
on My Reason For Love by Miggy
11 Jul 2005, 9:32 AM
just...Just...this song was Just too full of Justs...I believe this is called a "pimple" poem, or lyric, as it were...juvenile piece that may apeal to those around 14 years of age...good luck with your writing...keep trying!
on Sleep does my eyes by nentwined
11 Jul 2005, 9:37 AM
Sounds like some lyrics I have read...They make good money...Could fly...yeah...sure...would like to here the music to it, though...
on where to go by AskittlesK
11 Jul 2005, 9:25 PM
Wow, this is wild...I like the night, the dark, the moon...I like the wildness of night breezes, and shifting clouds. But I suspect you speak of another kind of darkness, here. Yes, the sun...they say it is nearly as affective as meds, for depression. I love the ending line. Abrupt. nice job.
on I wish I had a friend by un_oying
11 Jul 2005, 9:29 PM
oh, dang...it was going along so well, and then the last four lines..ugh! also, >"Itâs to bad I canât think", should be TOO. I would be perfectly happy if you just dropped the last four lines...then I could give you a decent score...either that, or do something else with the ending.
on untitled by venusdemilo
11 Jul 2005, 9:32 PM
typo> exist not exsist...other than that, I thought I wasn't going to like this, but then it sorta grew on me. I am not sure where the 'poured' and 'prepared' came into the picture, as that seems to be about cooking...but the rest I get, and haven't seen it said like that. original.
on To Those Who Have Died Today by AnotherNothing
11 Jul 2005, 9:34 PM
Typo> I will never know you name (your)...other than that...I really like this...
on Drying, Cracked Roots by AnotherNothing
11 Jul 2005, 9:43 PM
The middle got a little loose, but this is cool...I get the thought. Fruitless places, things, people...things stagnant... resignation. I wish this would have been as good as the thought that started it...I would guess you didn't get it on paper as quick as it came to your mind. Gave you a decent score anyway!
on some deleted poem
11 Jul 2005, 9:51 PM
I wish I knew...wish you had painted the picture to tell me what in the world you are talking about...read this several times...and have no idea what this is about! The first part made me think this was tongue in cheeck contraindictions, then the 2nd part went along nicely, painting a picture...and then you lost me...while you were taking a pee...what are bollocks? maybe that would help...some..but not entirely.
on some deleted poem
11 Jul 2005, 9:57 PM
I gotta add this....What is the definition of trust?
(Two cannibals having oral sex!)
(Two cannibals having oral sex!)
on BreakBeat TimeTravel by nentwined
13 Jul 2005, 2:08 PM
hmmm...made me think...and sounds like lyrics. I am not thoughoughly sure what this is about...well, yeah, I get it, up until the last three lines- seemed to not be part of it, or I didn't get their connection to the entire rest of it. But other than that I like it. Funky rythm I like. It Pops and Snaps like music. Gonna give it a good, generous score.
on some deleted poem
13 Jul 2005, 2:12 PM
Ah-ha! Awesome! Very poetic and all that...man...read it again...it is like that...meant to be savored, and mulled over, and...yeah, I like this...Alot! I gotta list this in my favorites! What a tasty morsel! sigh...thank you for sharing!