replying on Good old days by amanda_dcosta
26 Apr 2006, 11:37 AM
richa... thanks for the critique and vote. was away and saw it only now. Thanks.
to discriminate from sin that
divides my head into halves.
ecargo... could it mean that when he sleeps, he doesn't have to bother about whether he chooses to be good or bad, morally upright or not.... every step of the day that would determine his life's grading? At night... he just gives it all a rest by his sleep.
divides my head into halves.
ecargo... could it mean that when he sleeps, he doesn't have to bother about whether he chooses to be good or bad, morally upright or not.... every step of the day that would determine his life's grading? At night... he just gives it all a rest by his sleep.
Is it 'one day's plan'? Verse 2 line 2.
I haven't read all the critiques yet, that's posted below this poem.... looks like I must, but no time now. However, for my part of the critique.... personally, I liked the idea behind the poem. Sleep! Maybe it could have been put into more expressions, or perhaps the presentation better... but it has potential.
I haven't read all the critiques yet, that's posted below this poem.... looks like I must, but no time now. However, for my part of the critique.... personally, I liked the idea behind the poem. Sleep! Maybe it could have been put into more expressions, or perhaps the presentation better... but it has potential.
on First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay by Dovina
26 Apr 2006, 11:15 AM
Hear the might waters roar..... that sounds like a common enough sentence with nothing new to it. More like a borrowed phrase.
replying on First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay by Dovina
26 Apr 2006, 11:13 AM
Is it because I have been away for sometime? Haha... I think that wd hardly matter though!
on Old River Sherbourne by Caducus
7 Apr 2006, 10:01 AM
M6 bowel? Enlighten me. And spon with spon ? Not comfortable with that.
The rest is lovely... and a good, lively description.
The rest is lovely... and a good, lively description.
replying on Good old days by amanda_dcosta
7 Apr 2006, 9:52 AM
Hmmm... Thank you. The last stanza, you say as in 'If only I could relive it all!' ? Looks like it's fired.
Gotta go. Am off for ten days, going down town... home. Will be back after Easter. Till then, see you guys and have a Happy Easter.
Gotta go. Am off for ten days, going down town... home. Will be back after Easter. Till then, see you guys and have a Happy Easter.
replying on Good old days by amanda_dcosta
7 Apr 2006, 1:02 AM
Well then, the last line goes (in the edit). Am convinced enough.
And the song... this is my all time favouorite. Very nostalgic memories attached to it.
And the song... this is my all time favouorite. Very nostalgic memories attached to it.
on To Orange by Lifeboatman
7 Apr 2006, 12:28 AM
nice
replying on Good old days by amanda_dcosta
6 Apr 2006, 11:20 PM
Dovina and Ranger,
The main body of the poem is to describe the feelings of a little girl who once was me. That girl had a wonderful childhood that she wants it all back.... The feeling is so intense that that girl, now, the present me just wants it all back... and hence it's in exclamation, and changed to the first person. It's more like a sigh. Maybe, I could delete the last line or change it back to the third person.
Thanks for the critiques and votes.
4/4....Send me the pillow that you dream on
Don't you know that I still care for you
Send me the pillow that you dream on
So darling I can dream on it too.
The main body of the poem is to describe the feelings of a little girl who once was me. That girl had a wonderful childhood that she wants it all back.... The feeling is so intense that that girl, now, the present me just wants it all back... and hence it's in exclamation, and changed to the first person. It's more like a sigh. Maybe, I could delete the last line or change it back to the third person.
Thanks for the critiques and votes.
4/4....Send me the pillow that you dream on
Don't you know that I still care for you
Send me the pillow that you dream on
So darling I can dream on it too.
replying on These Past Sixteen Months by amanda_dcosta
6 Apr 2006, 10:55 PM
Very constructive critisism. Thanks. I agree I should do a lot more proof reading and editing on this. And the " o'er ", maybe I could reword it over.
As for the four continent verse.... it was part of the trying time I had to deal with... part of which was also due to the events mentioned in the verse before this.
On the whole, the whole description of this poem is about my distress and anxiety, one which I am able to handle through faith.
As for the four continent verse.... it was part of the trying time I had to deal with... part of which was also due to the events mentioned in the verse before this.
On the whole, the whole description of this poem is about my distress and anxiety, one which I am able to handle through faith.
replying on These Past Sixteen Months by amanda_dcosta
5 Apr 2006, 10:18 AM
Ha ha ha... no probs drnick.:-). I'm honoured that you still read my poems inspite of my choice of topics and and persitence.
Thanks for your vote.
Thanks for your vote.
replying on Pastoral Care (Psalm 23 revisited) by Dovina
4 Apr 2006, 10:51 AM
What is a female goatherd called?
on Pastoral Care (Psalm 23 revisited) by Dovina
4 Apr 2006, 10:46 AM
Quite a realistic description to the psalm. It is the flow though that could be noted... a bit unbalanced. On the whole I like it.
replying on Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta
4 Apr 2006, 10:09 AM
Cadacus... thanks a ton for your vote and critique. I'm priveledged to have your vote on my page which I normally do not see around.
As for wanting to know why I love him... I don't specify that, as what matters to me is the fact that I am loved no matter what. 'The road I take' means that however I live my life... good or bad, I'm still loved, irrespective of whether or how much I love him. That's the love of God. Even if I might not believe in Him, He still believes in me!
As for wanting to know why I love him... I don't specify that, as what matters to me is the fact that I am loved no matter what. 'The road I take' means that however I live my life... good or bad, I'm still loved, irrespective of whether or how much I love him. That's the love of God. Even if I might not believe in Him, He still believes in me!
replying on These Past Sixteen Months by amanda_dcosta
3 Apr 2006, 11:32 AM
The last two paras summarize the essence of what I'm going through and how I accept my challenge rather than mourning and brooding and being totally depressive and pessimistic. I believe in a life of hope... and there's no better source, to me, than from the one on the cross.
And the archaic language is in relation to the archaic faith that has been tested over the centuries. I feel it fits the mood, though I'm willing to agree with the major consensus on this.
And the archaic language is in relation to the archaic faith that has been tested over the centuries. I feel it fits the mood, though I'm willing to agree with the major consensus on this.
replying on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy
2 Apr 2006, 3:15 AM
Lovely!
replying on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy
2 Apr 2006, 1:25 AM
And what may I ask is her name... if you don't mind. And don't tell me it's Sunshine!
replying on Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta
31 Mar 2006, 8:08 PM
There are different ways to looking at it. Why now think 'Wow! if only Celine Deon's awful song was as wonderful as this!' Why not change your way of looking at things. Does it has to be the other way round just because that's the usual norm? We need to change the way we look at things as change is the essence of growth.