on some deleted poem
8 Nov 2006, 1:45 PM
Well my plane was late and no one was telling me where it was so I went looking for it. I thought the runway was as good a place to look as any and blow me down it was there. The plane was delayed the toilets didn't work no one was telling me anything and the damn plane was just stood there on the runway. -10-
on Bagni di Lucca by Sasha
8 Nov 2006, 2:51 AM
and how does one go about translating daft formatting?
on The Little Mouse That Roared by Wakeboarder20
24 Oct 2006, 8:28 AM
and not afraid to force the issue is so ridiculous it made me Lol.
on MRS Degree by Miggy
24 Oct 2006, 8:31 AM
She is the opposit of a tack is terrible :( as is the teachers giving her an A. I'd have given her an F.
on Suburban Spleen by Sasha
1 Nov 2006, 2:20 PM
Every stanza should end with a full stop. I know you are experimenting with style but it doesn't work. I don't like the final stanza (first two lines of) either.
on some deleted poem
1 Nov 2006, 2:37 AM
L4 seems awfully forced. The '-'s are typographically (and syntactically) bum. Put 'then' into the second verse.
on 311006 txt to russia by daniella
1 Nov 2006, 2:52 AM
A little unsubstantial. It has a well crafted order.
on Still by half.italian
1 Nov 2006, 3:19 AM
Too disparate see daniella's txt to Russia. The 'I am' in the first line is used to draw together the images.
on Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic
1 Nov 2006, 11:19 AM
sadder wiser beers is urgh. The final stanza's enjambment is off. Why not just: It was a fire balloon from Essen/launched to measure high altitude winds. No aliens here/just hazy earthlings, shooting/into the dark bushes.
on tormented suspicion by pollywolly
15 Nov 2006, 1:40 PM
replace 'brings forth tears/ to my eyes' with 'brings forth tears/ to my bum'
on Just words by aliena
15 Nov 2006, 1:37 PM
This is pretty good. 'And words are the easiest' is rather cack-handed (the easiest what/of what). I like 'break them across lines'.
on some deleted poem
27 Nov 2006, 2:08 AM
The second verse is good. The last four lines of the first verse are a bit muddled. I can't really make out what is happening.
on Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey
27 Nov 2006, 2:12 AM
Like the curate's egg. I don't like 'Your scornful view on things is far too grim;'.
on some deleted poem
23 Dec 2006, 3:02 PM
Here too as in the other hemisphere/ are metal jungles is close to working. I have a couple of problems: (i) the other hemisphere-- I tend to view jungles as being in the tropics rather than part of a given hemisphere (ii)metal jungles [too]-- are you comparing two metal jungles. If you are it is difficult to ascertain which particular places you are comparing.
on Advent by Nicholas Jones
23 Dec 2006, 3:12 PM
Sounds like something the wretched Dovina would write. It is all tell and not show.
on Exile in New Hamshire by AlexandraLeaving
6 Jan 2007, 12:18 PM
I rather thought theese meant you were a southerner.
on some deleted poem
6 Jan 2007, 12:30 PM
you should have just gone down to the pier and waved.