on inside the raven by PsydewaysTears
14 Oct 2007, 7:53 PM
nice work - lurking evil in a gently lulling tune... always the trap. :)
on Wayne, do you? by T. Jonathron Remp
22 Oct 2007, 10:04 PM
I gave in and went to the site...nice touch... :)
on Empathy with the childhood dreams by Prince of Void
25 Sep 2007, 10:32 PM
The last two lines had me nodding in agreement - some lives gain very little, and others nothing at all.
on Death of a Drug Addict by SupremeDreamer
25 Sep 2007, 10:35 PM
damn sad
on some deleted poem
25 Sep 2007, 10:36 PM
I don't understand this one - it must be an american reference yeah?
on The Friendship Storm by x0lovelylarnx0
13 Oct 2007, 9:28 PM
this is very bland - you need to drop such overused phrases and take what is in your head and write it in your own words...don't worry about what other people rate your work, it's not that important...honestly you seem to want to play to the masses instead of just playing.
on some deleted poem
13 Oct 2007, 9:31 PM
yes-yes...neatly done, opens up the mind and closes the mouth
on The Devil and I by forsaken
13 Oct 2007, 9:34 PM
disjointed and lacking any kind of rhythm I could find (maybe just my two left brains)
on some deleted poem
13 Oct 2007, 9:42 PM
like is used too many times for such a short piece. the first and last versus could do without it. life sliding compared to tyre dust is creative...dust always seems to conjure images of swirling, and alike. Your sliding dust across the truck stop is spot on.
on back o' the fridge by nypoet22
13 Oct 2007, 9:43 PM
as natural as a dancer...loved it
on Solstice, 2007 by lectricprincess
13 Oct 2007, 9:47 PM
a pure pleasure to read -
on Unmistakably Mistaken by secretlyvulnerable
22 Oct 2007, 9:46 PM
your last verse is creative and to the point - verse one and two are overworked a little...no need to mention tears too much, we get the crying from the second line...the last verse saves this piece, I really like it.
on My Courtney by secretlyvulnerable
22 Oct 2007, 9:50 PM
you started off so well with two verses of 3 lines, and ended with two lines of thankfullness and love. The third verse could be cut to 3 lines also keeping the original rhyme scheme...just a suggestion, you can turn a nice phrase
on While waiting for someone to check in my cars by INTRANSIT
22 Oct 2007, 9:56 PM
beautiful - image is so clear I wish I'd seen it. I would love to see a descriptive word in there for the daughter snug/warm in denim jacket, to follow on the caring of the mother as she carries her son..know what I mean?
on Back to Orange and Black by winniss
22 Oct 2007, 10:00 PM
I think tingle instead of tingling would bring this straight into the momment. I like this.
on Never Let Go by x0lovelylarnx0
22 Oct 2007, 10:07 PM
I'm not sure I understand this one...is it a dream? I am confused a little with the ending, is the protection offered only temporary?
on some deleted poem
22 Oct 2007, 10:10 PM
love the vodka reference - brings a reality to the piece
on One Perfect Moment by sonawrote
22 Oct 2007, 10:19 PM
if this is a true account of a time in your life - tell of something that has a personal touch, for readers to connect to the melancholy of it all. Otherwise it's just nothing, a blurb on the back of a romance novel...