melon is a bit vague - considering you follow with periwinkle
third stanza line two - 'so' not clear on it's intent. Is it your joints that are aching so - or is it because they are aching you succumb? If the latter maybe a comma after ache?
This poem has a pureness about it, I love it.
third stanza line two - 'so' not clear on it's intent. Is it your joints that are aching so - or is it because they are aching you succumb? If the latter maybe a comma after ache?
This poem has a pureness about it, I love it.
replying on It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT
19 Nov 2007, 7:03 PM
No dissapointment - each of us have our own reasons for doing what we do. Look forward to reading the older one too.. :)
replying on The Taking by Skamper
19 Nov 2007, 6:57 PM
thanks :) sometimes less is better
replying on The Taking by Skamper
19 Nov 2007, 6:56 PM
I hear what your saying - but inverting lines 1 and 2 would put a different emphasis on the progress of seduction. I think maybe a longer pause between line 2 and then, followed by the long pause again...
don't you think -then- speaks of what lays between the quieter 'no' to the ultimate compliance? I feel leaving -then- out hurries it along
don't you think -then- speaks of what lays between the quieter 'no' to the ultimate compliance? I feel leaving -then- out hurries it along
I read an interview with him - don't know how long ago he gave it but he seemed to be more about writing to be understood (with flair of course) by his readers. He took a scathing look at those who write obscurely...but then admitted to doing that himself at one point. I like his style - but I could get bored easily with it. Do you call yourself poet?
I googled Billy Collins and read some of his stuff. At first I thought he was dull, but after a few reads I see the appeal. Only recently did I discover that the title 'Poet Laureate' isn't just a self proclamation. Thanks for adding to my education once again. :)
on It's about truckin' by INTRANSIT
16 Nov 2007, 2:07 AM
Since I've been travelling and no doubt annoying the hell out of truckies (going 80k's when the limits 110) I've developed a need to know why this kind of life is so appealing. I say life, instead of work beacuse I feel in another time I think I could have lived this way. Could you write about this aspect, or have you done so? I like this poem's descriptive, insightful picture of what the life entails. But, would love to read about why.
on INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT
16 Nov 2007, 1:41 AM
there's always a line that needs something - I see what you mean about line 8, it's a little clumsy. Yet, the line works so well with a pause after own.
replying on Stroke It! by Skamper
15 Nov 2007, 1:48 PM
thanks :)
replying on Stroke It! by Skamper
8 Nov 2007, 2:38 AM
:) thanx
replying on Stroke It! by Skamper
8 Nov 2007, 2:35 AM
LOL...ok..changed could to shall - although not quite what I had in mind either, but it's better, no need to give those bards a choice huh? I want them compelled to sing, although that's not the right word for this either...hmmm
Words like 'want' and 'everything' give this exactly what I needed, an ego boost...a demand...a spoiltness...an impulse to let loose an ambition...a little dream
Words like 'want' and 'everything' give this exactly what I needed, an ego boost...a demand...a spoiltness...an impulse to let loose an ambition...a little dream
replying on Why I took my ears off by INTRANSIT
6 Nov 2007, 8:33 PM
still perfect -
Truck-stops the world over must contain the same sounds, sights and residents.
Truck-stops the world over must contain the same sounds, sights and residents.
replying on back o' the fridge by nypoet22
6 Nov 2007, 8:03 PM
she rolled her eyes in her 'vegetarian way', and said "typical"
on A No One With A Face by calmyourself
6 Nov 2007, 7:56 PM
A bit rough here and there...but not too bad
who gets the lead - I would like to think it's a suicide, a point made, a final thrust of guilt.
Nice work, shady and direct.