replying on Flat by Skamper
6 Nov 2007, 7:45 PM
Hmmm, maybe...I'm crap when it comes to titles
on Why I took my ears off by INTRANSIT
6 Nov 2007, 7:37 PM
This rolls around a bit, lazily working ideas into place. Great descriptions, vaguely horrific ending. I thought the start was a little slow, but after reading a couple of times, it's perfect.
replying on Some poems by INTRANSIT
6 Nov 2007, 7:16 PM
Yep, looks great, sounds great...thanks for listening. :)
on Behind closed offices by lukehanney
6 Nov 2007, 7:11 PM
The rhymes a bit off...needs sorting, Ideas very easy to identify with though. I like the lightheartedness of it.
replying on Some poems by INTRANSIT
4 Nov 2007, 4:03 PM
I found reading without "then" at the beginning of the 10th line rolls easier. I would also give "very few" it's own line. Rhythm seems fine to me although my own brain wants to add 'on' between 'right' and 'out', end the line there and put 'and through' on it's own line, but I'm sure I'll get over that. Rhythm is such a personal thing, am curious now to see what others think...
replying on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper
4 Nov 2007, 3:47 PM
NP..it's happened before and I'm sure it'll happen again. :)
Do I write like a male?
Do I write like a male?
on a bit of theory by pete
3 Nov 2007, 10:28 PM
I like it - although I'm not sure if I should.
on Some poems by INTRANSIT
3 Nov 2007, 10:24 PM
perfect last line - love it when reading one that hits ya just like that.
replying on Voice of the World by Dovina
3 Nov 2007, 10:18 PM
I guess I was thinking along the lines of the third world teaching the first world something - rather than the other way around. I like the concept of being humbled rather than worshipped...
You will get it together - I can feel it from here :)
You will get it together - I can feel it from here :)
replying on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper
3 Nov 2007, 10:13 PM
half a slab and a six-pack...not very inventive, but hey, we are kinda lazy...
p.s He is a She
p.s He is a She
on Voice of the World by Dovina
2 Nov 2007, 3:01 PM
I feel you working up to something in the first verse and then kinda fade away in the second, it needs some strength to show conviction. I like the idea of learning from an unexpected source.
replying on Dulacca - for a day by Skamper
2 Nov 2007, 2:48 PM
halfway between Roma and Mitchell in the south of Queensland, Australia. Dulacca - population 60, pub 1, free camping out the back of the pub (the reason we stayed there), free beer, a trap for unsuspecting tourists, purchase of a slab (24 cans) and you get 6 free...none of us drink beer so we enjoyed the free camping, with no strings and played pool all night. :)
on Four Skins by xyz
27 Oct 2007, 4:06 AM
last line - pretty good
title spelling reminds me of a band
title spelling reminds me of a band
on Dark Matter by Musicman
27 Oct 2007, 3:58 AM
I have a problem with the line breaks because I want this to fit a rhythm my tongue can get around without spitting all over my monitor. And with saying that I feel like I've justified the whole concept with which you write...or did I miss something?
replying on On Any Given Day... by Skamper
27 Oct 2007, 3:48 AM
thanks :)
The dashes are very habit forming and I reach for the key without realising - *sigh*
The dashes are very habit forming and I reach for the key without realising - *sigh*
on INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT
26 Oct 2007, 4:03 PM
If I had enough sense I'd be terrified by this
replying on On Any Given Day... by Skamper
26 Oct 2007, 3:47 PM
I have read some Bukowski - my favourite, The Great Slob
ah!..rockmage - enigma or arsehole?
ah!..rockmage - enigma or arsehole?
replying on On Any Given Day... by Skamper
26 Oct 2007, 3:38 PM
thankyou I feel warmed already :)
on Lonely Song(SOAD's Highway Song) by alvinb
22 Oct 2007, 10:30 PM
Remembering her makes me thrown...and nigh and ligh
Not sure these should mean?
Not sure these should mean?